


Stumbling In The Dark

by popicrisp



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 5 Years Later, Angst, Art Student Harry, Art teacher Harry, Bottom Harry, But he goes for psychological, Everything is okay with Louis Tomlinson, Famous Louis, Fluff, Football Captain Louis, Football here is soccer ⚽, Gen, Harry is very artsy, He just wants sport football football football, Implied bully, Infidelity, Louis just there for the sport, M/M, Mean Louis, Nerd Harry, Photographer Harry, Shy Harry, Singer Zayn, Smut later because I don't know how to start, Soft Harry, That explains why he's so soft, Top Louis, Unemployed Niall, University AU?, and when I start I can't stop, because who the hell studies psychological, hmm idk whatelse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-25 07:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6186619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popicrisp/pseuds/popicrisp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is it, we have to do this. So tell me, Louis William Tomlinson, do you love me?”</p><p>Louis scoffs. He gives Harry a mocking laugh and glances at Liam and Zayn, who keep laughing at Harry. But then Louis stops laughing, literally stops, he is now all in seriousness because Harry green eyes pierce right into his eyes.</p><p>“W— well, you know I don't. Right. So why don't you just stop asking questions and get back to worship me? Someone need to do my English essay, right?”</p><p>“You are right.” Harry voice is anything sad and humiliated and holding back a cry. “I should, except I wouldn't. I will not waste another seconds loving a boy that didn't look at me and appreciate me. I am moving out of the town. So bye bye Louis. I am hoping the best for you.”</p><p>Harry smiles. And something ticks in Louis. That smile snaps something. Because Harry looks so sincere and he looks— done.</p><p>Or where Harry is forever crushing on the football captain Louis, and it's all a joke for Louis until Harry moves out of the town. And moves on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all, this is my first fic on AO3 so kinda please be kind LOL. Second, any mistakes are on my own and I apologized in advance. Third, I don't know why or what makes I wrote this but maybe bc I listened to Home and If I Could Fly on repeated for two hours straight, I don't know. Fourth and most important (!!!), I am so shitty at tagging so if there's anything that you want me to add/anything that I left out, please tell me.
> 
> Love loads!

Liking someone is so easy. Only if, they like you back. When someone doesn’t like you back, that shit is hard. It’s hard to deal when your crush blatantly flirts with 2516 people regardless their gender, in front of you. It’s harder when your crush knows your feels, yet he did all of that because he doesn’t gives two shit about your feelings and maybe because he is the famous football captain that everyone trying to hook up with. It’s hardest when your crush knows your feelings towards him; the whole college know it, and using it against you at fullest―

Which explains why in the hell Harry is sorting things in Louis’s locker, a lot of things, like used socks that had been in the locker since whenever (Harry doesn’t want to know), a pile of Playboy magazine (ugh girls poses like they’re itching everywhere ugh) and books, a lot of books that Harry 156% sure Louis didn’t used it.

“Mate. Tell me again. Why the hell you’re doing this?” Niall leans his shoulder on the locker next to Louis’s, which is Liam’s, obviously its Liam’s, there’s a huge LIAM on the locker’s door, in fact, every football’s player locker has their name on it, privilege as a football player (rolls eyes) of Saint V University.

“I am doing this because Louis asks me too.” Harry answers simply, too busy caught up in folding and hanging Louis’s jersey. Harry may smell them creepily, although it stinks and smells like sweat, but it Louis’s so Harry takes full advantage on it.

“That dick will beat the shit out of you and you still going to love him. He is using you and I don’t know why the fuck you are still clinging into him when he obviously, obviously Harry, didn’t have a slightest bit of feeling at you.” Niall emphasis every word that leaves his mouth, because this time, after millions attempt, he might succeeds in coaxing Harry to move the fuck on.

Harry half shuts the locker door, so that he can angrily glares at Niall, which both of them know didn’t work, but he tries anyway. “Language, James Horan.” Harry warns. Cursing only cool if you have a twelve inch dick ripping you apart from your bum, or anything that involves dick. “I am doing this because I want to, and I am willing to, and in case you forget, I love Louis Tomlinson. Move along, Niall. We had this talk. If you’re here to remind me once again that you hate Louis, I have other works that needed to take care of.” Harry gives Niall a last glare before gets back to sorting Louis’s books.

Niall shrugs. “I hate Louis Tomlinson. And what work, Harry? Work, as in doing chores to Tomlinson? You are 19, Harry. It's not even true love. But sure, whatever you say Harold, I am sure I am going to hook you with one of my friends. See ya later, dude-o. I am going to hang out with Amy and the cheerleaders, might extend the night, so don’t wait on me, honey.” He winks at Harry that is too focused on Louis’s book rather on his best friend / ex housemate before takes a few steps back from the locker, walking away.

“I am going to hook you up with one of my friends.” Harry mocks. “As if I am going to like them frat―” Harry stops sorting the books when he accidentally comes across a photo. It’s Louis. A little Louis. Maybe Louis in the age of 5 years old, with an older man, maybe his father. But he doesn't look like Louis's father. Harry knows, because he had gone through Louis Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and maybe My Space so Harry kind of knows Louis's personal life here and there. But this man, Harry doesn’t know. And he don't care. His eyes are fixed on the cute smile that brightens the whole photo, and Harry whole life too. He is so in love. Louis looks all the same. Neat hair that swept to his left, sparkle blue eyes, cute button nose and wide smile. And if Harry takes out his phone to take a photo of little Louis, no one has to know.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just reread it once, please point out my mistakes. Cheers.

Harry frowns, hands drumming his study desk, while his mind tries his best to squeeze any idea out from the brain. He stares dumbly at the laptop screen, Microsoft Words shows that his essay, no, Louis’s essay, only had 6 words which are the title; ‘Interventions for an Improved Working Life’. Harry groans, how the hell did he is going to do essays about interventions? What does that even mean? All Harry did in his first year of uni, (still is), is learning how to paint on a real canvas and how to move the brush paint without trying to mess the canvas and how to take a good photo with a good angle. How would he know about working life? He never experienced one. At least the real one. Working at the bakery on weekends doesn’t count.

As he keep googling anything relate to the title, and doing his best to modifies the sentences from google into Louis’s essay, Harry hears a loud thud outside his house, and no. Just no. If he thought being alone at 8 PM in weekend night while his mum and Robin, his stepfather, went out for their romantic dinner and Gemma, his sister, is away from town are the good things- so that he can wank to the thought of Louis Tomlinson cock (Harry had seen the man’s bulge too many times to know how big Louis is, probably 6 or 6.5 inch- because during his football practice, no Harry is not creepingly stalking Louis, Louis always scores and running across the field with barely his boxers), but now he is scared because being home alone in secured neighbourhood is too much for a 19 years old boy, and also, someone might, or is breaking into his house so he has every right to be scared.

He looks around and his eyes immediately stops on a baseball bat that Robin gave him on his 13th birthday, before Harry realize he is anything but never rough and sweaty sports, and he is anything that are soft and pastel and sometimes light contrast or black and white. At least tonight he finally figures that the baseball bat may be useful, at last, and he prays to Baseball God to help him through this.

With the baseball bat secures in his hands, ready to swing on whoever that is breaking into the house, Harry takes a small steps down the stairs where the kitchen is, where he heard sounds of legs stumbling and glass cracking and maybe plastic being squeeze and he is ready to swing the bat, using his full brute strength.

When he finally did that, but still, surprisingly slow because Harry doesn’t had the guts to actually hurts people although he is going to be murdered by getting stabbed in his chest 29 times and―

“Harry! Dude! What the fuck?!” Niall screams and oh. Oh. Harry takes a step back until he bumps the wall and flicks the lamp switch on. And there he is, Niall James Horan gripping his shoulder in pain. Niall looks at him, blinking, one, two and three before he goes―

“What the fuck, Harry, that is the weakest hit I ever encountered with. My 2 years old sister can do fucking better.” Niall looks like he is angry, maybe he is, but what? What? Because Harry weak hit?

“You actually look like you’re in pain. And why you’re angry because of my weak hit? You’re supposed to be angry because I just hit you with a baseball bat.” Harry frowns but takes closer steps to Niall and observing his shoulder that being hit.

“Jesus, now I am angry because you’re an absolute idiot. Weakest hit or not, I’m still being hit with a fucking baseball bat so it’s okay if I fucking ouch, Harry. And we need to work on your hit because I don’t want my best friend getting murdered because he can’t fucking punch or hit. With that hit, you’re going to heaven in no time. Someone’s going to kill you. And you’re going to heaven. Except Irish heaven, you can go into freeform heaven or whatever they have up there but never Irish heaven, because you are absolute piece of shit and Irish heaven didn’t accept piece of shit like you.” Niall looks serious, and Harry loves him because Niall is scarily serious when he cares, that being said, he cares about Harry.

Niall may or may not his only best friends since kindergarten. Niall is a gleaming ray of sunshine, literally, because he is blonde, Irish and can even fit in with a bunch of apes. Meanwhile Harry is just made of pale skin, mops of curls and frog face with a big nose and wide lips. Oh, Harry teamed up with Claire Williams in his science project during his fifth grade, so that conclude his friends list. Although Claire had long gone in his life, it was a one time thing, at least.

“Are you drunk, Niall? Where this Irish Heaven comes from? Why I am the piece of shit? Why are you sneaking into my house? What are you even doing here? Aren’t you having a date with Jennifer tonight?”

Niall gasps, shock, and runs his hand to his chest. Overdramatic. That explains his deep interest in drama, which is his major, and Niall is the most drama king in Drama Kingdom and he definitely going to Drama Heaven. “Hold your horses, Styles. One question at a time.” Niall sits on the counter, because sitting on the chair is too mainstream.

Harry turns over to the fridge, opens it, beam down to take out a bottle of beer for Niall and a school-sized carton of strawberry milkshake for him. This position makes Harry accidentally displays his bum at Niall and the blonde lad suddenly smirks. “Ya know,” he starts. “If I am gay I am definitely going to bang you.”

Harry laughs and closes the fridge door with his bum, opens the beer bottle and the small carton on his way to the chair where Niall already making a grabby hand towards the beer. Niall has this rule that when he is at Harry’s and Anne is there, he only drinks soda because he is a gentleman and he wants to keep it that way, or he wants Anne to think him that way. When Anne is not there, he will drink any alcohol he prefers, mostly beer, because Niall is a 19 years old legally can drink anything he wants. If that doesn’t make Harry thinks Niall is a sucker for his mother, he don’t know what else is.

Harry sits on a high chair besides Niall and slurps his strawberry milkshake once. “I don’t even know if you are straight, Niall, to be honest. You offered me a blowjob once, remember? And you teach me how to wank. You touched my cock, Niall. You touched it and stroked it. You even think Mr. Weighner is hot. So I am sorry, you’re not on my straight people list.”

Niall puts down his beer besides him after he takes a huge gulp of it and slaps his forehead. “See, this is why you are a little piece of shit. You’re using my own kind intention back against me. You never had a sexual intercourse with anything other than your hand, Harriet. I am being a big help here.”

Harry shrugs. “Sorry I let you down, but I have my own rules to oblige.”

Niall pouts. “What a shitty rules if you want to have sex with someone that has mutual feelings with you. It’s 2016, Harry. People don’t do that shit anymore. People had sex whenever they can. They don’t care about feelings. Dude, when you involve feeling shit into sex shit, you are never going to get laid.”

Harry looks up at Niall, eyes sharp. “Don’t mock my rules, Niall. I am being serious here. Now please tell me why you are here? What happened to Jennifer?”

Niall sighs and runs his hand through his hair. He looks like he just come home from the club, because he smell like one, a mixture of alcohol and cigarettes and cheap perfume. “I’ll call Jen later, or never. And I am here to babysit you, little lad. Anne called me being dead worried about you because you haven’t come out from your room since this afternoon, saying you’re working on an essay, what essay Harry? You don’t even have any essay to do. Except you’re at Louis’s essay, again.”

Harry rolls his eyes, ignoring Niall death glares and annoyed by his mother that keep treating him like he is a baby when he clearly not. He is a 19 years old adult that maybe a late bloomer, because he still have his baby fats and rosy cheeks and hip chub, but he is an adult nonetheless.

That basically starts Niall daily lectures about how Harry should not doing any homework, or any work at all for Louis Tomlinson or any other person on earth except Harry himself, about how the fuck (yes, Niall use that f word, a lot) Harry is going to do the essay because he had zero idea what psychology even is, Harry is on his first year while Louis is on his final year so how the hell a first year student going to do a last year student essay?, Harry is a idiot (thank you Niall for the daily reminder), and how Harry should just move on from the biggest bully on earth that is Louis Tomlinson.

Niall hates that dude, if there are any words stronger than hate, Harry is going to use it to describe how Niall feels about Louis Tomlinson, but Harry is an idiot (thanks to Niall daily reminder) and he is loser at words so he is going to stick to ‘hate’. Niall keeps repeating about going to punch Louis on his face some when, which Harry gloriously ignores, and dreaming about Louis Tomlinson’s smile instead. He catches a phase where Niall mentions, “You’ve been liking that dude for too long, Harry, just fucking give up already.”

But no. Harry isn’t going to give up. Harry is not going to give up on his ultimate crush, love of his live, which is Louis Tomlinson. How can he when everyday Harry walked pass the hall that he was being bullied by a group of football player when he first steps in the university? How can he give up when he saw that pair of blue eyes, the same one standing for him against the group of big and muscular blokes? Louis, the also muscular, not big, but bigger than Harry, that is full of charms? How can he gives up on Louis Tomlinson, the one who held Harry’s hand and pull him out of the hall? Louis, the one who warns other people to never bullied Harry again?

Harry is so in love.

He will keep on dreaming of Louis Tomlinson and Niall will keep on babbling about how dickhead Louis was and is, until he realize Harry is not listening and will shake Harry out of his 12-years-old girly imagination, and Harry then will proceed on begging Niall with a big puppy eyes to help him with Louis’s essay because Niall studies drama, for God sake, he is great with words, and he can help Harry twisting the words copied from google, and Niall will say no, and Harry will begs and begs until Niall says yes, because Niall loves him so much he is willing to temporary let go his hate towards Louis Tomlinson for Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Niall Horan so much so not sorry.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Louis, himself and his own feeling.

Louis Tomlinson is a 21 years old last year senior in Saint V University, California. He majors in Psychological, because that course offers the easiest syllabus and that way, he can concentrate more on his football team. Speaking of, that is the solid reason why he enters the university, because their football team is famous, and several international players came from this university and this team. So, that explains why he chooses this uni although it’s away from home. Louis Tomlinson is a champion, leader. He is the ace in football, who gives his attention fully on the field during his games or practice.

He is willing to sell his soul to Satan for football, that is how focused he is.

But now, right now, it is so hard to focus on his football practice, although they have this huge game against Peterson University tomorrow. Louis had prepared for this game for weeks now, he is ready, and today is just another normal practice to prove that he is ready, and he is concentrating on the ball, or his opponents, or his team, he wants to concentrate on them, but he can’t.

No matter how fast Louis runs in chasing the ball, he stops whenever his eyes catch Harry, on the other side of the field, practicing baseball with Baseball batting team Xander Ritz. Xander fucking Ritz is fucking touching Harry, literally standing behind Harry and adjusting Harry’s hips, that said touching Harry hips (how dare he) and running his hands on Harry’s arm, teaching Harry how to properly swings the bat.

Did Louis mention how fucking close Xander lanky body with Harry’s back? How close his crotch to Harry’s bum? And Harry, a little shit that he is, fucking laughs. That is the worst. Harry is laughing as if baseball is something funny. If anything funny, Xander is being the huge clown. And there’s Niall Hoeran too, ( _Hoeran_ , because he called Louis a _Tomdickson_ ), sitting on the one of the audience seats, alone, slurping some juice with his sunnies on his hair and stretching his arms wide on the next seats and crossed legs. He looks like every cliché white person sun tanning their skin at the nude beach.

Such a bad sight to see. Louis wants to puke.

“Louis!” Sir Atkins, their coach scream is loud enough to get Louis back on the reality. He turns around to Sir Atkins, but greets by a dozen pair of eyes staring at him.

“The fuck?” He says, to most of them and he finds Liam, only to see Liam is staring at Louis’s feet. And oh, Louis realize then, the ball is still neatly tucked under his feet, and the whole team are waiting for Louis to pass it, because no one dares to steal it from him, while Louis is too busy stabbing Xander Ritz with his mind.

“What is wrong with you today, Tommo? Focus!” Sir Atkins screams again and that’s it. That is it. Louis is losing his shit.

Louis passes the ball to Liam, takes off his captain’s armband and tosses it to Liam. “You’re the captain, I’m off for today.” He says, while Liam just grabs the armband with his left hand, and stops the rolling ball with his feet. He looks like about to say something but immediately cut off with Louis lighting glares that sent electric jolts to him. So Liam takes a huge gulp. That’s all he’s allowed to do.

Louis just walks away from the field. Ignoring Sir Atkins until the old man tired enough to scream for him, just walks into the changing room. And Harry didn’t even notice that.

Harry always notices every Louis’s movement. Harry notices when Stan accidentally bumps his shoulder with Louis, and looks horrifyingly worried each time Louis trips and falls. Harry even has his own seat by the field because the whole uni knows, Harry loves Louis. No, they don’t know that. They only know that Harry had a massive crush on Louis Tomlinson, and Louis don’t like him back, and Harry just don’t give up, and Louis is taking full advantage of that― that is making Harry did his assignments, bring Louis his waters, cleaning Louis locker and sometimes brings Louis foods.

Today Harry completely ignores Louis because of that ugly baseball dude.

And if someone said Louis is cruel, (that someone being Niall, no one dares to attack Louis like Niall do), Louis may agree with him. Although Louis is a human being that has the sympathy and empathy feelings build in him, he can never accept Harry in his life, not now, or ever.

Harry is just a small portion in his life that can never leave marks in it. Harry doesn’t matter when Louis was greeted by a group of blonde hyenas that are trying to ride his dick. Harry doesn’t matter when Louis is out at the gay club dancing and grinding on any boy he could find. Harry doesn’t matter when Louis is being served by a fame he deserves.

But Louis notices sometimes Harry is sleeping during his lunch time while doing one of Louis’s notes, Louis notices how Harry never misses his football practice no matter how busy Harry is, he sometimes late but he never misses it, Louis notices when Harry is trying his best to carry Louis’s pile of books and went to meet other students in Louis’s class to ask for notes when Louis is absent.

Louis notices it all.

But Louis alter ego keeps screaming at him that Harry is just nothing. Nothing.

When the football teams win against Peterson University, Harry is there, of course he is, but he didn’t shine so bright like he always did. And Niall is there too, which why Louis should have notice things are going to get worse, because Niall rather die than attending one of Louis’s games.

Harry sheds a tear when Louis scores, he hugs Niall too tight when Louis soars the trophy they won, and Harry didn’t said any word to Louis that day. Louis should’ve notices, but he was too caught up in the moment and he never, ever, says anything to Harry first. He can’t be the one who starts the first step when he has this huge ego taking over him. He never let himself find Harry, Harry always comes to him, and will comes to him.

And the glance he changes with Harry while he is being lifted on the air with the trophy might be last time he sees Harry for that week.

To say that Louis’s life drastically changed when Harry didn’t showed up for the rest of the week, is extravagant. Maybe miserably changed, or affecting his personal life like who’s going to do his assignments? Who’s going to hang or fold his jersey neatly in his locker? And with Louis running class after class because he was late, and he had to actually attended classes because no one is going to take notes for him, maybe his life really miserably changed.

Three days. Just three days from Wednesday to Friday doing things by himself without Harry’s help, Louis felt like he was battling death. His sleeping patterned is fucked up because he's trying to stay awake doing psychology essay until 3 AM, his football performance had slightly dropped because he always tired and he literally smell like shit because Louis sucks in hygiene.

His life is totally falling miserably without Harry yet he claims Harry is nothing.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the heaven ever did speak, it’ll tell Louis Tomlinson that he is a bloody idiot.

It was Saturday, mid-autumn in America when things shattered into a million pieces that Louis can never pick.

It is Saturday; Louis wakes up at 12 PM because he finally had all the rest he needed after a long hectic week. Starting his day by the perfect cup of tea he makes for himself, (those few past days consisted of bitter and less creamy teas made by various juniors and everyone that is not Harry; because Harry knows exactly how Louis wants his tea and Harry was not there so Louis had to just suck it), pancakes made by Liam, (Liam made the best pancakes, only pancakes) and Louis actually starting to enjoy the silence he has in the flat shared with Liam and Zayn.

Liam, whom complicated in his own way; that dude is scared of spoon and acts twice his age, but he is great in football so there’s that. Liam majors in laws and takes football as a hobby, (unlike Louis, football is his passion and purpose of life). He has a great, tall body with six pack too, (Louis is not jealous, because Liam didn’t have a great bum as Louis’s), and hairstyles between a quiff and thinning hair. He had been with Sophia, a fashion student, since forever, (who even sticks with their girlfriend at this age, no _YOLO_ for Liam), but he actually nice and cares for Louis so Louis would admit, he loves Liam.

And Zayn, an art major, like Harry, (Louis should stop with Harry as Harry did not affecting his life). Zayn is the coolest cold-blooded best friend in the world. He’s attractive, that’s for sure. If Zayn isn’t too busy being a cold-blooded creature he probably, totally is banging endless girls, or blokes, whichever he prefers. His tattooed body, changing hairstyles (literally, Zayn changes his hairstyle once a week; from undercut, quiff with a blonde highlights, pompadour, locks hairstyle that looks like itsy bitsy spider, and the latest one, top knot), and the sharp jaw that makes Louis’s sisters adores Zayn, his spinster aunts want to give Zayn free blowjob sessions, and Louis sometimes wants to bang Zayn too.

Speaking of, where the hell are those two?

Finishing his pancakes and tea, putting the mug and plate in the sink without washing it, (he’s going to get shits from Liam because of this, sure), Louis drags his feet back into his room, finding his iPhone that is somewhere beneath the pile of unwashed clothes and is greeted by several texts and a few missed calls.

Nothing caught his attention except the text from Zayn.

 

**From: Zen**

mrning sleepg beauts, or afternoon, idc, Liam went to gym and to Sophia’s till dinner and I’ll be @ studio mentoring juniors till when the fuck they asked me to stop _._

 

Great. Now he has the entire flat for himself and going to fill his day with continuous wanks and playing FIFA. It was great, until he actually getting bored and no longer horny and he’s getting hungry. It’s already 2 PM and God forbids Louis Tomlinson to cook, so he texts Zayn;

 

**To: Zen**

Bored as ffffuuuuucccckkkkkk. And hungry. Help me. Did the juniors bring any food?

 

Zayn reply comes minutes later.

 

**From: Zen**

Ure lucky tommo, ur harry & his friends brought food, load of it. James went home so we hv an empty slot, come ere’. Sucks to be the only senior

 

If Louis jumps when Zayn mentioned Harry, it’s okay, because he is home alone and no one is there to witness it. If Louis feels the sudden urges to see Harry, that is only because he needs someone to bear his shit, and Harry is the perfect candidate for it. (Not even Louis can bear his own shit perfectly like Harry did). If Louis immediately leaves his bed and rushing out to meet Zayn, yes, _Zayn_ , or if anyone asks why he is at the uni in his sweatpants and Spiderman t-shirt, he will use the solid excuse of hungry.

Louis breaks 3 traffic laws on his way to the uni. If he’s getting a ticket, or more, it’s okay, (anything is okay with Louis Tomlinson, he could impregnate some blonde bitch and he still thinks, it’s okay, because Louis is so cool). And he is driving Liam’s car and Liam is the one suggested that they should get a flat far from the uni, and closer to Sophia’s apartment. So Liam is going to deal with that.

He doesn’t even park properly when he reaches the uni. Louis locks the door and runs, like he’s chasing something, maybe someone, and if he takes any longer to reach the art studio, Louis is going to lose it, or him, (whoa _no_ , not Harry, definitely, Louis is hungry. So hungry. He is reaching the food for the dear life). So when he reaches the studio, Louis almost stumbling at the door and losing his breath.

The room goes completely silent. All eyes darts at him. Zayn is gaping, which is totally weird, because Zayn usually greets him with a loud ‘dude!’ each time Louis visits him at the studio and now even Zayn goes mute.

Louis ignores all eyes that’d been staring at him, and look right into a pair of green eyes that take part in staring at him. The thing about Harry is, he is so, very, really, ultimately, beautiful. Louis could look into his eyes forever. He wants to swim in it. Sometimes it’s chartreuse and sometimes it’s emerald and sometimes it’s olive but Louis love it most when it’s mint glossy or when light hits the green, Harry’s eyes shine so bright it lightens Louis whole life.

“Dude, you okay?” Zayn repeatedly snaps his fingers in front of Louis that brings the man back to reality. And _whoa_ , what the fuck was that? Louis hates Harry. Um, maybe no. Maybe he dislikes Harry a little bit when the younger boy keeps distracting him, or making Louis feels suffocated. He hates those feelings; he doesn’t hate Harry, he hates when his life doesn’t feel like his. But he definitely doesn’t adore Harry.

Adores and feelings is for the weak. Louis is not one of them.

“Dude, why are you in your pyjamas?” Zayn asks again. And this time Louis turns to him and okay, there’s Liam too.

“I um― I was―“ Damn, where did his words go?

“Louis! I am glad you finally show up!” Harry walks through the judging eyes. And seriously, screw them, because there Harry is, walking towards Louis with a plate of pizza in his hand and his smiles are so welcoming to Louis that Louis thinks if he wears his unwashed boxer and a smelly t-shirt, Harry still greets him with the widest smile.

“It doesn’t matter if he wears his pyjama, Zayn. There’s no rule saying that he can’t.” Harry smiles at Zayn and Zayn shrugs. Wait. Why Zayn is so casual with Harry? Is there something going on between them? “Louis,” Harry calls him and Louis dumbly turns back to Harry. “Louis, here, for you. There is a lot of food, so we invited Liam too.” Harry hands Louis the plate. “Zayn said you’re hungry. I saved two slices for you.”

“Um.” Louis takes the plate, hesitantly. “I don’t know you and Zayn are this close?”

“Louis.” Zayn frowns and gives his _‘are you kidding me’_ face. “I am his senior. Where the hell you think he learned his art? Besides,” Zayn takes out his cigarette but slowly put it back when Harry shakes his head. “Unlike you, I am appreciating Harry and for what he worth.”

Louis turns to Harry that is smiling wide, showing his white rabbit teeth. This is so confusing. Louis feels like his mind is running too fast. Zayn knows Harry, not just know Harry exist, but literally be friend with him and all, and Louis didn’t know? And what the hell is this shit Zayn is not smoking because Harry shakes his head? He had to deal with Xander Ritz, his enemy now that Xander had touched Harry at inappropriate places, and now he had to deal with Zayn Malik, his best friend showing his affection to Harry? Don’t let Louis starts on how Zayn fondly looks at Harry.

“Harry!” Niall calls from the end of studio. Jesus. Another jerks Louis has to deal with. Niall is staring at his phone, texting, before he lifts his face to them, clearly unimpressed with the group. “Duty calls.” Niall says simply to Harry.

And what duty calls? Louis is so lost. He feels so left out. He looks back at Harry, suddenly he doesn’t feel hungry anymore. Harry looks worried, his feet fidgeting and he is playing with the hem of his shirt. “What’s wrong, Harry?” He asks.

Louis asks what is wrong not because he cares, no, he doesn’t care if Harry got a fucking duty calls or what so ever, he asks because he wants to know, he doesn’t care, but he wants to know. Louis is an important senior in this university and he shouldn’t be, or feel, left out.

“I, um, I was thinking that― um, I could talk to you?” Harry bites his lips nervously.

Louis raises his eyebrow. “Sure, shoot.”

Harry looks at Zayn and Liam that had been eavesdropping publicly, (there is no such thing as privacy for these two), before lean forward a bit to Louis, whispering, “Um― in private.”

Louis rolls his eyes. Now he is annoyed. Harry just doesn’t understand this doesn’t he? Harry doesn’t understand that they can never be more that friends because Harry is a kid and Louis just doesn’t do kids. They had this private talk way too much for Louis liking. And every damn time Harry keeps telling Louis how he loves Louis. Louis felt so annoyed right now, his mood drastically changes. He was here for pizza and he thought, he thought that he could had a normal talk with his friends, and it’s okay if Harry wants to join along but now he is clearly annoyed. He is so tired explaining to Harry that he doesn’t like Harry. They can never be together.

“Harry,” Louis drops his plate on the table rougher than he intended to, but not enough to bring the attention in the room to them. “We had this talked, Harry. I can never like you, just―“

“No, no, no.” Harry quickly denies it, although there’s a flash of hurt in his eyes. And if Louis notices the changes in Harry’s face, he also notices how Zayn ogles sharply to him. “I just― need to talk to you.” He pauses. “About other things.”

Louis is tired. And he doesn’t want Zayn to start babbling on him about humanity, so he goes; “Fine. Let’s talk outside.”

Harry is happy to follow Louis outside of the room, but they keep the door opens because Louis doesn’t want to feel intimate to Harry, and he doesn’t want to be alone with the pair of green eyes staring at him.

Zayn laughs when Harry trips on the door, and gives Harry two thumbs up when Harry turns to look at him. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Zayn today? Why Zayn is so kind to Harry? Zayn never being this cool to someone.

“Start talking.” Louis commands when Harry stops his steps, suddenly his alter ego rises. Harry smiles die instantly and he starts fidgeting again and keeps biting his lips. “Harry,” Louis goes softer, “talk.”

Harry takes a deep breath. “Right,” he whispers, more to himself. “This is it, we have to do this. So tell me, Louis William Tomlinson, do you love me?”

Louis scoffs. He gives Harry a mocking laugh and glances at Liam and Zayn, who keep laughing at Harry. But it is not a mean laugh, Louis knows, because they are his roommate for the past years so he knows them very well, it’s more into some adoration laughs. Harry is adorable, true, although Louis didn’t adores him, but Harry also is so annoying. But then Louis stops laughing, literally stops, he is now all in seriousness because Harry green eyes pierce right into his eyes.

“W— well, you know I don't. Right. So why don't you just stop asking questions and get back to worship me? Someone need to do my English essay, right?”

There’s a strict silence between them. And Louis feels awkward, should he feels awkward?

“You are right.” Harry says after a moment. His voice is anything sad and humiliated and holding back a cry. “I should, except I wouldn't. I will not waste another seconds loving a boy that didn't look at me for what I worth, at least, and appreciate me. But that’s not it, Louis. I am moving out of the town. Robin got this new job and we’re moving today. So this is it Louis Tomlinson. I am hoping the best for you, because you deserve it. And, happy graduating. I know it’s a month early but I won’t be there to wish you later, might as well do it now.”

Harry smiles. And something ticks in Louis. That smile snaps something. Because Harry looks so sincere and he looks— done. He looks like he had let Louis go the moment Louis said he don’t love Harry, he really don’t. But now that Harry had said all this, Louis don’t know. It’s like a million feelings; angry, scared and sad pierce through him. Harry is moving out of the town? This Harry that is standing in front of him? This little chub of white skin and cute dimples? This Harry?

_I won’t be there to wish you later, might as well do it now._

If Louis could list down things he should be doing now because Harry is leaving, (suddenly the word ‘leaving’ hurts), Louis going to start with apologizing to Harry. He might take the whole day to apologize to Harry for every shitty thing he puts Harry through. Then he is going to tell Harry that he is beautiful. Harry is so fucking beautiful and shouldn’t major in Art because Harry is the finest art and lastly Louis is going to kiss that goddamn frog face because Harry is leaving.

But there Louis is, standing alone while Harry gets back in the studio, hugging everyone, literally every single one, including Liam, and Zayn. Every one, except Louis. Harry just smiles at Louis one last time when he passes him on the door with Niall behind him. It’s all in slow motions when Harry turns to Louis, smiles at him, everything goes so slow and Louis swears Fireworks by You Me At Six is playing in distant.

It is the last time Louis ever seen Harry Styles, ever. That is when Louis realizes, Harry is everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I'm still writing this.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Louis could fly, he’ll be flying the fuck away from himself.

It is true what they said, there’s no antidote for self regret.

Sorrow. Grieving killing period. Remorse. Depressed. Miserable at best. That is how Louis describes his days after Harry left. Harry’s moving out from the town gets Louis bitterer than he already is, constantly angry at every person that gets on his nerve, in major rampage all the time and if his coach doesn’t warn him about controlling his anger and sending him to an anger management class, Louis maybe didn’t try to calm down when he’s on the field.

Louis is not angry because his teammates are doing a horrible job in passing the ball to him. Louis is not angry because he gets a C on his essay that he spent the whole night doing it. Louis is not angry because his teas taste so different nowadays. Louis is not angry because he sees Xander Ritz on the hallway at random times and instantly reminded of _him_.

Louis is angry because Harry moves the fuck out from this town and left him alone to deal with this guilt that keep taunting him. 

And Louis decided that shoving a player from Winsford University and punching another player in the face during a match between the two universities were a good way to vent his anger. As a result, he was awarded with a red card and suspended from any two matches that involve his uni.

His coach is overrated, Louis thinks, constantly reminding Louis that he is going to lose his position as the captain if he can’t maintain his performance and Liam’s going to replace him. It’s okay. More likely Louis doesn’t care. Liam is not even interested in football, and others are not as good as Louis. So Sir Atkins can kiss his ass.

But Louis still has to keep his performance well in the field. Liam reminds him every single day that Louis has to bear his own shit through the day because if he lost his shit, he is going to lose his scholarship. Things are only okay if it involves Louis alone. If things start to drag his family in it, which his mother maybe has to pay for his uni fees when Louis loses his scholarship, things are absolutely not okay.

So Louis just hangs on there. Louis is going to give his best on the field, because he is under Sports and Athletics Scholarships so he has to be the best, and he is going to pass his classes because Psychology is easy as A B C and he is still going to pass it with flying colour of rainbow although he didn’t study. 

Meanwhile his performances in bed drop straight down at high speed. He can’t fuck anyone without thinking how Harry would look if Louis is fucking him. He can’t have someone sucking his cock without thinking how Harry plumped cherry lips would look wrapping Louis’s cock. He can’t even wank properly without thinking about Harry fucking Styles. 

A month. He has to survive all these for a month more. Then he is going to graduate, find a decent job, and starting his attempt to find Harry. He has to find Harry, because there are so much things Louis wants to say to Harry like sorry, sorry, and sorry. And he has to do it all by himself, because Niall, the only friend Harry has in this uni, hates Louis so much and refuse to tolerate anything related to Louis Tomlinson. (Louis remembered that time Niall literally poured him with endless curses when he asked that blonde about Harry). Louis can’t have his ego scratched again. So he is going to find Harry all by himself.

While finding Harry, Louis is going to stay in the deepest black hole he could make and only out for foods and works. That is what Louis planning to do once he graduated.

The night on his graduation day, Louis has _the talk_ with Zayn.

They all agreed to attend a party hosted by Irene, the richest kid in town, although it was held at the uni, mainly because there’s free expensive drinks and foods, and Louis is dying to get drunk, because he wants to forget Harry just for a while, and it’s their last night at the university. Tomorrow Louis is going to start his life as an adult full of responsibilities to bear and bills to pay.

An hour after he arrived and drinking countless alcohol, Louis is drunk and sitting alone on a sofa at the corner of the large hall. That is when he realizes, everything he ever had during his glorious time being famous at this uni, is temporary. That girl that had been flirting with Louis ever since he became the football captain? She is making out with another boy on the couch. That group of hyenas that had been sitting with him at his reserved table during lunch break? They are literally grinding on different bloke each. And when Louis clearing his locker and taking off his name from the locker yesterday morning, Louis realize all these are never meant to stay.

Things are things. They are there hold your memories, but they can never savour it. That locker that Louis had been using for the past three years? Someone new is going to use it. That table reserve just for Louis and his team during lunch? A new group is going to take over it. The memories on the things Louis used to own, will fade.

Sooner or later, people are going to forget the almighty Louis Tomlinson.No one will say ‘hey, remember Louis Tomlinson, he’s a good lad!’, maybe they will say ‘hey, that’s Louis Tomlinson, I heard he’s a total bully. Poor that Styles’ kid!’. Louis Tomlinson is going to be a memory, people will only glance at his photos on the football bulletin board and they’ll forget about him .02 seconds later.

But Harry won’t. Harry’s feeling won’t. Human feelings just don’t fade in a blink of an eye. Maybe that is what makes Harry hold on to Louis for so long. Louis feels horrible. Louis feels like he wants to vomit. He wants to throw out those entire horrible things he’d done to Harry. He wants to rewind back to the time when he said mean things to Harry and be honest instead with Harry about how beautiful Harry is, after all Louis ever did to Harry was laughing at his fat chubs and rosy cheeks. He wants to thank Harry for every single thing Harry did to him; finishing his essays, folding and hanging Louis’s jerseys, bringing Louis a home cooked breakfast when Louis had a morning practice, cheering on Louis before his football matches started and throughout the matches, and still look at Louis with the proudest face although Louis didn’t scored.

Hell, Harry was there for Louis more than his own family was.

Drowning himself in those endless regrets, Louis stumbling on his way to the hall where he first met Harry. Louis remembered every detail of that day. It was the first day of the year, and Louis was late on his meeting with the sports broad. And while running, although the hallway was empty because it was 8:45 in the morning, other students actually in their classes except for Louis that decided to keep running, Louis heard a timid voice from one of the unused hall.

Louis should kept running, he should. But the voice was so intimidating to him, it’s like the voice of ‘please stop’ and ‘help’ is calling him. So he stopped in front of the hall instead. Without a doubt. And Louis didn’t mean to be a heroic main actor in this drama, he did not, but when he pushed the door open, hard, he might look like one.

Louis swore if there’s a smoke somewhere near him, plus some background ‘everybody was kung-fu fighting’ music, it’ll make a great cheesy action movie.

First thing he noticed was a pair of glassy green eyes that looks horrified, looking at him. Second thing he noticed, there were three well-build students around the little curly haired lad. Third thing he noticed, one of them said something like “Well, well, Wellington, looks like fucking Tomlinson trying to be the hero of the day.”

Louis didn’t knew how he got the strength, (Louis felt like a fucking Captain America with Ironman suit and Thor hammer plus the strength of Hulk all a sudden), but the last thing he noticed he was dragging the twink out from the hall where the other three students were either screaming in pain or cupping their bleeding nose.

That was the Louis’s side of story on how Harry fall in love so deep with Louis. Harry literally thanked him for 3 weeks straight and only stopped when Louis threatened to move out from the uni, which it was kind of stupid that Harry actually believed it; Louis was in his last year for fuck sake, and he was bound with the agreement with Sports and Athletics Scholarships, there was no way Louis could move the fuck out from the university even if he wanted too.

Jesus fucking Christ. It’s already 12 in the midnight when the grand clock in the uni strikes and all those flashbacks are absorbing his energy. Louis is completely sober by then and he just wants to go home. He wants to go home and stares at his diploma certificate and wondering what he had done through all these years that is other than football and how cruel he was to Harry and wakes up tomorrow repeating the order until he has the enough courage to start his real life.

Loud music still blaze from another part of the uni, stating that the party will not going to end soon. Wilder, they might be. Louis pulls out his phone, ready to text Zayn about leaving the party, (Louis only text Zayn between his two housemates, he didn’t even have Liam’s number), when the hall’s door slowly creaks open. He immediately stands.

If before this Louis was in cheesy action movie, is he in horrifying scary movie now?

Apparently no when Zayn’s head pokes from behind the door.

“Zayn, mate, what the fuck are you scarily doing behind the fucking door?” Louis sits back on his seat, soothing his right hand on his heart, ordering his heartbeat to calm the fuck down. Louis is going to get a heart attack if he keeps socializing with these people.

“Language, bro.” Zayn warns and fucking hell, does everyone in this uni has to remind Louis about Harry? He definitely has to stop socializing with these people.

“Shit, just―” Louis rolls his eyes and grunts. “What do you want? I am heading home.” Louis pulls out his cigarette and if Zayn warns him about this, he is going to punch Zayn is the face.

Luckily, Zayn don’t. Louis also may not punch Zayn for real, Zayn is too beautiful. He just walks to Louis, and sits besides him.

Silence settles between them for a minute while Louis takes a drag of his cigarette.

“We’re still living together, right? Although Liam wants to move in with Sophia?”

Louis smiles. Zayn is trying to start a conversation. Louis knows where this will go. (No, this will not ended up with Zayn sucking his dick or Louis giving Zayn a hand job, this will either end with Louis spilling his feeling towards Harry at Zayn or Louis bawling his eyes because of Harry at Zayn).

“Cut it, Zee. We had this talk about you and I will still live together in that shitty flat and we both know Liam is going to move in with Sophia. His balls had been itching to start a fucking fairytale life with her. So skip it and just ask me whatever the fuck you want to ask me. I am ready.”

Zayn purses his lips in approval, and nods his head. “Okay.” He raises his eyebrow, and then turns to look at Louis. “How are things going for you?”

Louis is so fucked.

Things end just like Louis knew they would―

  1. It starts with sharing cigarettes but then things got heated when Zayn takes out his roll of joints that Louis never know Zayn had.
  2. Louis bawling his eyes in his attempts to talk about his feelings towards Harry at Zayn. He can’t even start his words without crying a fucking river.
  3. Louis is crying and sobbing but still manages to blurt; “If you fucking hug me I am going to stab your head, bro.” to Zayn.
  4. They had to sneak out from the uni back to their flat because Louis said― “I can’t fucking walk Zayn just fucking carry me. Harry sucked my soul and left with it. Make sure no one watches us.” And Zayn replies― “Bro.” And just drags Louis out.



And when Louis is crying brokenly when Zayn asks; “Do you love Harry?” They both know that is because Louis does.

Louis do loves Harry.

 


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your friendly neighbourhood Nick Grimshaw is here! *swings swings*

So here it is, growing up. So much had changed ever since Harry Styles move out from the small town of California and move into a better and larger town, which is Washington, where Robin gets a better job and they live nearer to Gemma, and where he mend his own broken heart.

Harry had lost all those baby chubs, gotten taller with long lengs, his curls had turned into long waves, his complexion got slightly better; no acne or obvious freckles. It is safe to say, Harry is attractive.

By the time Harry is 21 and finished his studies, he moved to New York, where he gets a perfect job as a photographer and part time teacher at an art school for children, where he made friends with loads of new people, and where he met Nick Grimshaw.

For Harry Styles, growing up means move the fuck on from Louis Tomlinson, drawing bold lines between his present and his past that involves Louis Tomlinson, and building his hopes and dreams.

Harry decided then, Louis Tomlinson is nothing more than a puppy love, although Harry remember exact words he said to Louis which are ‘I love you, Louis. It’s a real, legit love. I will look at you fifty years later and still will love you.’

Harry decided he was so stupid by then. It’s not a love. Harry just tremendously overwhelmed when Louis saved him from the big bullies, because no one, except Niall, ever did what Louis did to him. People either will laugh at him or ignoring him more when Harry was bullied.

If he could turn back time now, he would rather being bullied than having Louis saved him. Because it was all that started his sorrow.

But it’s a past now, dead, over, and done. So here Harry is, a happy 25 years old that eats healthy and passionate about his interest that are arts and little children. Harry had forgotten most of his past on California, because it doesn’t matter.

So he didn’t tell Nick about his past.

But thanks to Niall Horan and his aperture mouth, Nick knows that Harry used to have a big crush (used to, not anymore) on Louis Tomlinson, and Nick is cool with that.

Nick knows, no, Nick didn’t know the whole story, because there’s no need to bring it back. Nick thinks Harry is just being a fan because he used to be in a same university with Louis Tomlinson. But everyone knows that it’s more than that. Everyone, except Nick.

Nick is so cool with it that he bought them tickets to every single one of Louis’s match that Harry never attended. Avoiding attending the matches with Nick is easy, Harry just had to tell Nick that he had a photoshoot sessions or teaching little children arts and Nick will attend the match with someone else. Avoiding Louis Tomlinson is easy in general, because Harry is just a small portion in Louis life that can never leave marks in it. They lived 3918.49 km far from each other, so it’s easy as long as no one, Niall for example, mentions about Louis and no one, Niall for example, tries to talk about Louis. But avoiding his own self is the hardest. Harry can’t look at himself in the mirror without thinking about how stupid he was. Harry can’t sleep at night thinking how the hell he had waste his youth grieving on someone that so not worth it. No matter how much he tries to run from it, his past always manage to catch up on him.

The thing about Nick is, he loves Harry so much.

Of course he didn’t love Harry because Harry is so good in bed, a perfect submissive and a minx sent from heaven. Nick loves Harry ever since he met him when Harry is in his last year at Academy of Arts and nervously biting his lips when he about to present his final project with Nick as one of the evaluators.

Who the hell thought that Nick bad jokes about Harry being a robot because he is so formal and his robotic voice pronouncing each words will make that younger boy his boyfriend?

No, Nick bad jokes didn’t make Harry forthwith become his boyfriend. It takes Nick three years of becoming friends, best friends, friends with benefit with Harry to finally become his boyfriend. His official boyfriend that Nick longer need excuses to screams pet names at Harry, holding hands together in public or giving Harry a morning blowjob.

Harry thinks to himself sometimes that Nick is what he deserves. Harry deserves to be happy, to be loved and to be appreciated and Nick is doing his best to do all of it. But sometimes, just sometimes, when Nick is away from home attending some award or hosting a program, and Harry is left alone, staring at the moon or tries to count the stars that the thought hit him.

The thought of maybe Louis Tomlinson never leave his own heart.

One morning, Harry wakes up to dry throat and a direct sunlight on his face. And also, a sore bum. Thanks to Nick and his large cock that Harry worships.

Groaning and grunting here and there, and rolling to the Nick’s side of the bed, Harry is greeted with a pile of fluff pillow that is not Nick Grimshaw. His eyes snap open so fast that Harry blacks out a little, because he is not a morning person and he is thirsty and Harry is a kitten that constantly needed to be pet but thank universe that Nick is a sweetheart that provides Harry everything he need such as a glass of water on the night stand.

He’ll claim Nick’s endless soft touch later.

Harry reaches the glass; take a huge gulp of the clear water and his eyes darts to a note written by Nick besides their digital clock that shows it is 9:00 in the morning.

The note says;

_‘Morning sweetheart! I’m going live at 9:30 am, hv a huge surprise for you! x ― Your Grimmerz’_

No. No. No.

Please no.

Harry had another 30 minutes before Nick is on air doing whatever the fuck he is going to, and Harry hopes hopes hopes that it is not going to be what Harry thinks it’s going to be. Harry is praying to every God that exists that Nick is not going to propose to him. Harry keeps rereading the note and takes nervous in a whole new level. If before this Harry bites his lips when he is nervous, now he is biting his nails, chew his long hair, and tries to scrape his skin out of his skull.

He is just a 25 years old that trying to understand ‘love’ and he is not prepared to tie the knot, even with Nick that he had known since he was 20.

When the digital clock hits 9:30 AM, Harry might has turned the radio at a very high volume because he feels like he’d gone deaf and Harry is pacing in his room, naked, because he is too busy worrying about what Nick is going to do to actually wear something.

“He-yo! It’s ya boy Grimmy here on your weekly Live Interview at one and only MTV Radio. Are you feeling whipped? Before that, I want to wish a very happy good morning to my boyfriend. Babe, you heard this? Morning!”

Nick is chirping way too happily for nervous Harry to handle but still, Harry is going into a full smug mode because and has heart emojis in his eyes when Nick said that. It’s not every day your boyfriend decides to wish you good morning on an international radio right? Harry hates PDA. Harry told Nick way too many times that never, ever, post any Harry pictures on any social media because he doesn’t want the attention.

But this time, it’s okay. Because Nick didn’t state any name and no matter how much Harry hates PDA, this shit feels good.

“Sorry, my boyfriend is not a morning person so it’s so rare to have him listening to me.” Nick’s voice is low and he laughs. “Okay, back to real life,” Nick continues, and Harry had dragged a chair to sit near the radio as if listening to it in high volume isn’t enough. “I have a special surprise for all of you. Guess who is with me on this fine morning. I’ll give ya’ll some hints. He’s young, hot, and um―”

Harry frowns. Who is he? Justin Bieber? Harry doesn’t like Justin Bieber. Harry even thinks he himself dressed better than Justin Bieber yet Justin is the sensational teen pop star. Ugh, this maybe one of Nick’s jokes on him. Harry is positive about it. Unless Nick’s having a Leonardo Da Vinci there, Harry is not interested.

“― And he is great with balls.” Nick says and Harry notices a few small laughs on the background and he don’t know why, he is expecting something.

Jesus or Buddha, please makes today interesting.

“Please welcome Chicago Fire captain,” Harry feels his breath hitch, what― “which also the chairman for US Sports Institute,” Harry has to grip the head of the chair because his heart is about to explode, he is losing his balance, “please welcome, Louis Tomlinson!” and with that, Harry loses it. Harry loses his balance and slumps on the floor. His hormones, cells, and blood flee outside his body. And Harry thinks, he is losing his self control that he had secured for the past five years.

When Harry decided that Louis Tomlinson no longer worth all his tears and all his love, five years ago, Harry did not completely throw Louis out from his life. Harry still reads any news that contain Louis Tomlinson, and Harry knows Louis is going big in sports world, doing countless charity for children, and doing anything that makes him happy.

Sometimes Louis is in the news too, and Harry watches it just fine. He heard Louis’s rougher and deeper voice on the TV, or sometimes he’s on the radio, laughing, Harry just listens to it. Believe it or not, it makes Harry stronger. Knowing that Louis Tomlinson exists and all those past is real, makes Harry a stronger person than he was.

But. If this is the surprise Nick planned on him, it is working out perfectly.

Harry doesn’t hear the whole interview. Not because he can’t. But because he doesn’t want. He doesn’t want to hear Louis’s voice or laughs or morning voice or actually hears Louis chats with Nick. Louis Tomlinson is his past, leaving a huge hole in Harry’s heart. He can handle Louis Tomlinson in the TV or at random radio stations that Harry turns on during his drive to work, but he can’t handle Louis Tomlinson talking to Nick and share a laugh. Louis Tomlinson can’t come back in any aspect of Harry’s life.

Harry turns off the radio with his toe and lays on the floor, naked, for the whole morning.

But Louis is already there to pick up the pieces that he broke.

Nick smiles as he presses the home button to his iPhone. “Thanks for the selfie, man. My boyfriend’s gonna be pumped. You know, biggest fan and all.”

‘No.’ Louis thinks. ‘Harry Styles is Louis’s biggest fan. No one can replace him.’

“Never misses any of your games, that one. No matter how busy he is. Always catch up on YouTube or whatever they have on the internet.” Nick continues, hands starting to grab his coffee and phone. They just wrapped their interview and while waiting for the next session, Nick played some songs on Louis’s choice.

“Cool, I could, maybe like write him something?” Louis suggests and Nick looks at him like Louis just discovered the cure to cancer.

“Hell yeah, you know, his birthday is next week, maybe you could,” Nick drop back his things and swings his chair to the cupboard at the corner of the room. He opens the cupboard and digs something in it, later comes out with a football jersey with GRIMSHAW written behind it. He hands Louis the jersey and says; “Write anything on it. I think it’ll be perfect.”

But Louis has other thing in mind. “Dude, I played for Chicago Fire, so your boyfriend and you are going to get CF jerseys. Hop along, I’ll give you some free jersey. They’re on my car.”

So, based on his observation, Louis found that Nick really loves his boyfriend. They’re in Louis’s car and Nick is glowing with happiness over the jerseys and this guy is not even a fan. But his boyfriend is, and if this is not love, Louis doesn’t know what it.

Maybe Louis will find his true love if he wasn’t too busy faking one with Eleanor or focusing on his carrier.

“You got a marker?” Nick asks as Louis soothes one of the jerseys on the car wheels for him to write.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Of course I do, it’s a necessities for a public figure.”

Nick blurts out a loud laugh. “Cocky.”

Louis smiles and quirks an eyebrow. Nick is cool. Nick is cool and he is going into Louis’s possible friends list and Louis is going to invite this man and his boyfriend on every party he’s hosting.

“This boyfriend of yours. What’s his name?”

“Harry.”

Suddenly Louis chokes on nothing. He had encountered with many people named Harry and this is the latest one, so a spark of hope somewhere in him lightens immediately and when Louis asks what is that Harry last name and Nick answers ‘Styles’, it takes all his sense to not jump on this man next to him and forces him to tell Louis where Harry was.

His Harry.

Holy Mother of Jazhofat. Get a grip, Tomlinson.

Louis had found his Harry Styles!

There’s second guess somewhere in him that keep chanting ‘no, that’s not your Harry’ and ‘there are probably a million Harry Styles in the world’. But Louis is willing to slump it down his throat because no matter how much Harry he had encountered within these past five years, this is the first time he encounters with Harry Styles. So Louis is not going to let this one go.

But when Nick says, "Hey, I remember he told me he was in the same university with you!", Louis knows, he'd hit the jackpot.

Louis writes down words that had been playing in his mind for the past five years―

_Happy birthday Harry Styles! It’s a month early but I won’t be there to wish you later, might as well do it now so Happy b’day!_

And he signs down the most perfect signature of Louis Tomlinson with a two hearts at the end of it. Louis got nothing to lose, really. Nick is more than happy with Louis’s words because he had no idea what it means.

It appears as a normal idol to a fan note but clearly, it’s more.

Louis should asks for Harry pictures from Nick, because he misses Harry so much and he need a confirmation by looking at Harry but he can’t come up with any solid reason to Nick on why Louis suddenly wants to see a picture of Harry.

It’s okay. Louis will dig the internet later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter days ago and woke up yesterday (or isit the day before? I'm suck in keeping up with times and social media) with Louis looking daddy as fuck smoking and texting and Harry requesting songs @ Nick Grimshaw while making bfast. What a glorious day to be alive.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is trapped with Ziall, Louis is trapped with his own dick that has strength of a hulk, and he's doing FBI shits.

Harry is supposed to be grumpy when he showed up at his studio that afternoon. He should, after he had to battle his own feelings that morning. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t when he is being greeted by a living gold that is Niall Horan, whom wealth enough to unemployed, really, Niall family is so rich that all Niall has to do is spending every dime of it, but poor enough to actually afford his own place. So he is living on Harry’s studio and actually pays rent to Harry.

“You woke up to Nick wishing you good morning through a fucking international radio, Harry. Meanwhile I’m here can’t even get a text back.” Niall pouts, crutching his chin on his palm and cross his ankle. He is laying on his stomach on the sofa, continuously sighing into nothing.

“Stop being a baby, Ni. You know you can get more than just a good morning wishes if you care to find a proper girlfriend and stop fooling around with different girl on different week.” Harry blows the dust off his DSLR sensor with a blower bulb. His dinner table which recently had turned into a working table when he started filming Zayn’s music video for one of his single, strewn with various parts of camera and photography things.

Silence suddenly hit the room. It is too far from a room’s norm to be this silent when there’s a Niall Horan in it. When you’re with Niall, you either turn like Niall or turn into Niall. Speaking of, he’s probably sleeping now. Great. Harry can work in peace now.

“Harry,” Oh, he’s alive. “How did you feel when Nick talked to―”

“No.” Harry cuts Niall right in. Because he knows what Niall is going to say and no. He may not be looking at Niall now, but he knows Niall is staring at Harry with a pair of puppy eyes. Harry doesn’t care. He keeps cleaning the DSLR lens, sometimes adjusting his seat on the wooden chair.

“But―”

“I said no, Niall. We are not going to talk about Lou―”

“Howdy how how bitches!” Zayn happy voice fills the studio apartment. They both turn to look at Zayn. Zayn enters the room with his girlfriend, Gigi and two female models that is practically naked, only in a cat-woman masks that covers their face, walking behind him. Zayn’s pitbull run straight into his hexagonal dog bed as soon as Zayn opens the door open. Harry tries not to judge. Harry probably be tired as hell too if he was with Zayn for his whole life.

“Fuck, ya’ll here filming porn?” Niall immediately stand, eyes goes wide looking between the models and Zayn. Eager in joining the music video.

Harry rolls his eyes. “It’s art, you fuckboy. The theme of Zayn’s mv is art.”

Niall slumps back onto the sofa with a cute rage face. He is clearly disapproving the idea of ‘no porn’. “You all weirdos, there’s flowers and neon lights and naked models. The fuck you’re filming?”

Zayn jumps to sit besides Niall and hugs the blond’s shoulder. “Tune in to Zayn Malik’s YouTube channel for PillowTalk self directed music video soon. Exclusively filmed by one and only Harold Styles.” Zayn says happily and Niall is annoyed more.

“I should stop hanging with you guys and move into Conga or something. Travelling around the world maybe. I don’t understand why you even want to be a singer, Zee. Entertainment world is very dangerous.” Niall warns.

And Harry actually laughs to that. “You’re just conscious, Niall. Because you used to hang with that psycho wanna-be actress, what’s her name?”

Now it’s Zayn’s turn to burst into laugh. “Ashley.” Zayn answer for Niall. And then he laughs harder. “Remember when she wanted to do that Jurassic Park foreplay?”

Harry is literally holding his stomach now. He laughs so hard that it starts to hurt and there’s a tear in his eyes. “Oh, I remember. I remember exactly when Niall had to roar and act like T-Rex. Jesus. Hahahahahaha! I didn’t know Niall had dinosaur kink?”

Niall pouts, a long pout, causing Zayn turns to him and pinches Niall’s both cheeks. Niall’s eyes widen off guard and he immediately brushed off Zayn’s hand. “Zayn.” He whispers, slow, but Harry still can catch it. “G-alert. Remember?”

Harry totally is going to lose his sanity if he hangs with these people any seconds more. When Harry moved out and changed himself throughout the years, his past was in a total chaos. Niall briefly dated Zayn, which had last for two years, until Niall graduated from the university. They would last more, Harry thinks, if both of them didn’t just wake up one day and decided ‘we can’t do this anymore.’ And they broke up in a good term, that is, Zayn still sometimes treat Niall like his baby boyfriend although he is dating Gigi, a girl he met on a small club during one of his short tours. Both of Niall and Zayn even come with a term ‘g-alert’, which means no affection is shown when Gigi is here.

“I don’t even know why I am here hanging out with you guys.” Harry rolls his eyes and sighs.

“I am here because of you.” Niall says to Harry.

“I am here because of you.” Zayn says to Niall.

“Jesus Christ, this is so a train-wrecked and you guys please stop.”

Harry sometimes wished that he is either Niall or Zayn, because look at how nonchalant they are. But no, he instead a cry baby that questions life and take things seriously.

“Harry.” Zayn half screams which sound like a millionth time.

“Damn Harry, back at it again with the deep thoughts.” Niall continues, and he already laying his head on Zayn’s lap.

Harry turns to them and lifts his eyebrow, where does their G-alert rule go? “What?” And he turns around to Gigi, where he finds the girl is doing both females model’s make up in a small room at the studio.

“I know you hate when we talked about Louis,” Zayn starts, and Harry eyes grow wide, “but―” Zayn lifts his left index finger to Harry while his right hand plays with Niall’s hair and Niall literally coos happily. “Louis is in town, you know that, and he wants to hang with me, only me, because Niall hates him and because he don’t know you’re here, and it’s weird when Nick actually interviewed him―”

“Zee bae, stop it. Harry is getting a heart attack.” Niall looks up to Zayn and plays with his thin beard.

If Gigi doesn’t lose her shit, Harry is going to. “Gigi!” He calls, and Harry is satisfied with himself when Niall frantically sits up and Zayn immediately distance himself from Niall.

“What, Harold?” Gigi asks from the room, showing no signs that she is coming to them.

Harry grins to the boys and wink, “Nothing Gi, just thought you might hurry up with the make ups. I have a date tonight with Nick!”

“Oh, okay!”

“You little shit.” Niall throws a cushion to Harry that happily catches it.

“Now who’s getting a heart attack, bitch?” Harry snaps his finger in Z. “And Zayn, I don’t care about Louis. He can do whatever he wants; you can do whatever you want with him as long as I am not involved. You know the rules, don’t say anything to him about me, and don’t talk to me about him because I. Don’t. Care.”

Harry hears something Zayn mutters under his breath that sounds like; “Don’t care my ass. You watched his whole games on YouTube.”

Harry is about to protest something to Zayn but stops when Niall looks at him dreamingly. “God, you’re so attractive when you’re pretend to be angry, or when you act like everything is okay.” And that might earns Niall a smack on his head from Zayn. “Call me when you’re done with Nick. My blowjob offer to you still stands.” Niall winks and makes a phone gesture with his hand at Harry. That earns himself a hard grip on the balls from Zayn.

“Ouch, stop it you jealous fucker.” Niall rubs his crotch and looks at Zayn angrily.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to chop your balls and feed it to Timothy.” Zayn says with all seriousness and glance at the sleeping pitbull that moves his ears when he hears Zayn mentioned his name.

“To start with, the dog’s name is fucking Timothy Rashad Malik, and he is a pitbull, so that name’s weird, and you are―” Niall lowers his voice, “gay. Bi, I think but either way you’re the one that’s going to eat my balls because you’re obsessed with it. Ha!”

Zayn is strangling Niall to death and Niall is pulling Zayn’s hair while Harry just sits there and sighing into his camera. He don’t know how he is trapped between this two idiots, maybe he knows, because Niall moved into New York few weeks after Harry, because they are soul brothers, and Zayn recently moved in because he wants to expand his singing carrier which is total bullshit, Harry knows, Zayn just want to stay nearer as he can with Niall.

Harry don’t understand their relationship most of the times, he don’t even understand Niall all the time, all Niall ever did are playing golf with his extremely wealthy and old friends, and wooing girls, (Zayn is the only boy Niall wants to woo), but still, life without Niall is a life Harry didn’t want to live.

* * *

It’s 10:00 PM. Louis is sitting silently in a small booth at the club, continuously scrolling and thumbing his phone screen and ignores the loud music.

“Bro! Stop playing with yer phone will ya? I haven’t met you since Liam’s wedding and it’s like 8 months ago!” Zayn voice is high, trying to fight the loud music.

Louis reluctantly looks at Zayn from his phone screen. “I’m busy, Zee, and I am here for a week so we’ll talk later. You can do Gigi or do more shots. But for now, I rather not being disturbed.”

Zayn looks at him for a minute and then shrugs. “Sure.” He turns to Gigi and Louis doesn’t know what happens next because he’s paying full attention on several tabs that he opened on his phone’s web browser.

Tab 1: Nick Grimshaw boyfriend’s

Tab 2: Nick Grimshaw Harry Styles

Tab 3: Harry Styles

And none of them bring him to Harry Styles. Even Harry Styles Facebook page only shows photos of flowers, little children, scenery and scrabbles. Googling Nick Grimshaw doesn’t help at all. Maybe because Nick is just a normal human being and no paps following him around, but Louis is so desperate and he needs something.

Then he comes across an Instagram account under Nick Grimshaw’s name. Louis smiles, because he was so close, he had been doing this shit for the whole evening, and it’s night now, Zayn had to come up at his hotel earlier and dragged Louis to this club because if he doesn’t, Louis will not moved out from the bed and at least tries to socialize with other human being. So, if he doesn’t find anything related to Harry, he will seriously break into United States Census Bureau and will find Harry Styles even if he’s going to jail.

Louis finds nothing in Nick Grimshaw’s instagram. He either post photos of food with caption ‘my boyfriend’s cooking’, or photos of himself and random people that Louis is not interested into, or photos of him holding hands with someone, that is maybe Harry, but Louis can’t face that fact so he decided that Nick is holding someone else’s that is not Harry’s hand.

Louis groans and slams his face on the round table.

“Dude, the fuck, are you okay?” Zayn asks when the table shakes, and Louis groans louder. He hears Zayn whistles and then; there are two females on both of his sides. A blonde with a tank crop top that is too tight and a brunette with a halter dress that is too short for her.

Fuck Zayn.

“Bro! What the hell?” Louis deadpans, ignoring the two females that start clinging into him.

Zayn just smiles and raises his eyebrows repeatedly, interested. His face is something between ‘have at it, dude,’ and ‘forget your shit, bro,’.

Fuck it.

The next thing Louis knows, he is in the bathroom stall with the blonde sucking love bites on his neck and runs her hand on his torso while the brunette unzipping his jeans and palming his hard on.

Jesus fucking Christ, this is the ultimate heaven on earth.

“Wish you could follow us home, but we’re too eager to taste you.” The blonde whispers, and licks Louis’s earlobe.

Louis bites his lip, holding back a moan when the brunette kisses his bulge through his boxers. Louis is losing his balance. He is like an 18 years old teenager again so of course he wants to follow them home, he wants to have one of them riding his dick and another one riding his face. He wants to―

Follow.

Shit.

Follow.

Why the hell Louis didn’t think of this earlier?

Nick Grimshaw’s instagram following list.

He could find Harry there!

“Um girls,” Louis slowly pushes the brunette head away from his clothed dick and gently brush off the blonde kisses. Both females look at him, clearly dissatisfied. He pulls up his jeans while mutters, “I’m sorry but I think,” zipping his jeans, “I got to go.” Both females start to curse him and Louis walks backward out from the stall to the bathroom door continuously saying, “I’ll call you!” and “We could recreate this night some when!”

Ignoring his hard dick that starting to hurt, Louis take out his phone and waste no time opening his instagram app. He never found a good purpose of social media until now, and within seconds scrolling down on Nick’s following list. He found a user with @harrystyles user name.

He feels like he just found fountain of youth.

The time of his life had come.

But.

Obviously, God hates him.

Harry’s account is private and Louis is losing hope, hard like hell that he feels he dick is going to ripped his jeans, and he is nowhere close to find Harry Styles.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Instagram saga continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not affiliate with the real @ladladderlads Instagram account, if it ever exists. There's Jesus Christ mentioned somewhere in here, so if it offends you, I am sorry. 

The next day, Louis wakes up super early. He is enthusiastic and passionate about finding Harry. Finding Harry is his mission in life. He was born to do this. He goes to sleep (after a numerous of wanks because his hard dick command him to do so) planning on how to find Harry Styles and how to break into Harry’s Instagram account. He had his laptop browser opening 7 different tabs on _how to break into private’s Instagram_ account, and several apps on his phone about hacking. Hell, he even makes a fake Instagram account under the username @ladladderlads, posting several baby photos on it and follows Harry.

Louis waits for a whole day and Harry didn’t accept @ladladderlads. So he guesses that didn’t work.

The third day Louis’s in New York, he only talks to Liam, and only leaves his room for dinner.

Louis is still finding a way to break into Harry’s Instagram after @ladladderlads account got suspended for slaying numerous celebrities that he hates, especially Eleanor, and he sent various comments on Zayn's account like, _“Remember when you were twelve and thought them Mac filters were cool. Well, this dude still do.”_. Louis wakes up late, stares at the ceiling for the whole morning and eating junk food for breakfast and lunch.

Liam’s call comes right in when Louis is at one of the cheap restaurant near the hotel, after the waitress sends Louis his tea. The restaurant itself is quiet, save for a group of teenage girls and an old lady.

Liam had choose to be his manager, or his team’s manager, anything that involves thinking rationally, something that Louis fails at. Because Liam had settled down with Sophia and since he’s been acting twice his age, they both agree that Liam shouldn’t spent more time on the field anymore.

“Li, what’s up man? It’s been three whole days!” Louis is mocking Liam as soon as he picks up the phone, with a sarcastic tone. Why bother saying hello? He has the rest of his life to say hello to Liam.

“Shut it, Lou. I’m here to talk to you about Eleanor.”

Okay, Liam sounds serious. But whatever, he can’t do shit to Louis when Louis is miles away from him. “I’m alive and eat well. The weather’s nice today. Thank you for your concern. Sure, what’s up with El? Do I need to post a picture of her on my Instagram? Or tweet her something? Call in some paparazzi?”

Louis had done these PR stunt things way too long for his liking, until at some point he feels profoundly like a puppet on the string. Maybe his missions in finding Harry is the closest thing he feels to a normal human. Maybe it is, that’s why he’s so determined in finding that man. Maybe he just loves the effort he has to put in finding Harry. Maybe he just loves Harry Styles.

Speaking of paparazzi, maybe he should act like one and follow Nick to his house the other day.

Fuck, he is stupid.

He should definitely do that.

“Okay,” Liam goes. “Stunt with Eleanor supposed to end this winter, Lou. So you have about four weeks of dating her before you guys break up.”

Louis gasps a breath and covers his mouth with his hand. “I’m shocked, Li. I can’t believe after three years of dating, Eleanor and I are going to end this.” And then he rolls his eyes, “Whatever, I’ll hang with her once I got home. After shits with her end, you guys probably going to hook me up with someone new init?” Louis asks, uninterested.

His management definitely going to hook Louis up with new actress or models, because Louis is the David Beckham of American football. Well, Louis sure is famous for someone who actually watches football, while the other busy Americans didn't even care he exists. But still, Louis is a ticket for them to be famous.

“You agree to do this Louis.” Liam softly says, he sounds sorry. Louis hates when people, mostly his closest friends, feel like Louis needs their sympathy just because he agrees on dating girls for PR stunt. Louis himself wants to do this. Does Liam know how boring Louis Tomlinson’s life is? Liam doesn’t. Liam doesn’t know that if Louis didn’t do this fake dating with celebrities, he’ll be spending his time playing football till he’s dead tired, then drowning in his self guilt and does nothing except trying to live. At least hanging with Eleanor gives him something to do.

“What’s the new girl’s name?” Louis asks, sipping his Yorkshire tea. Louis went to England one time for a match, and fall in love right away with their tea.

“Briana. Blonde, 5 feet, nice figure, I’d say. And this time, it’s bigger stunt, Louis. They’re promoting her 5 season drama and we are helping them with their ratings. Please know that you are free to reject this if you want to.” Liam advises.

Liam always advises Louis on things like this. Please reconsider doing this Lou, please rethink of what you’re going to do, Louis. Things like that.

“Just, tell me what the new contract is about.”

Liam fall silent on the other line and Louis has to tap the screen repeatedly to check if the call is still running.

“Well,” Oh, Liam can still talk. Louis thought he had gone mute. “The thing is, you’re going to act like you’re impregnate Briana, and she’s going to give birth to a baby, and then we do a prat test, and the baby isn’t yours. And boom, Briana will be famous and so their drama. And leave the rest for us to handle.”

This time, Louis seriously gasps. He is genuinely surprise. “What the fuck? Who ever thought of doing that? That is the stupidest shit I ever heard and no way in the fucking hell I will do it. I am not going to be a father of some random child. If before this I was a doubtful bisexual, now I am a legit, million percent, genuinely, gay. I am gay as fuck. Nobody can get any gayer than I am. I like dick and I will savour it on my fucking forehead if I have to!”

Louis don’t care if he practically shouting at his phone. Well, he has to care, when several eyes look at him and Louis hears a chord of praising Jesus Christ. Louis turns around to the voice, because Louis is curious and he wants to know, so he turns around to the old lady looking at him with wide eyes like she just saw a ghost.

She looks timid, horrified, and threatened by Louis. She looks Louis right in the eyes, making sign of the cross from her forehead to chest, then from right shoulder to left shoulder, and keep chanting ‘may Jesus Christ lightens this poor child’s heart’ and ‘Holy Trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, please forgive this young soul.’

Louis wants to laugh.

So he did, not because he wants to be rude, although he unintentionally is, but because no one, even Jesus Christ can fuck him up like he did to himself. Louis is going to hell for this, he is sure, but he can’t bring himself to care. Jesus is cool, Louis is not a fan but he thinks it’s fine and respects any religion as long as human doesn’t use it against him.

Louis used to attend church every Sunday until he realizes he likes his dick in someone else’s, that being a male, ass.

The old lady quickly grabs her purse and brisk walk out from the restaurant. Louis sends her out with his glaze.

Anyway, back to Liam.

“Louis, are you okay?” Liam asks, serious and worried. He sounds hysteric. Daddy Liam mode is on. No, not that _daddy_ mode. The real daddy mode. Father and shit. Duh.

“Liam, chill.” Louis’s voice returns to its normal tone. “I’m fine. It’s just this is the worse work trip ever. My schedules in a mess, I haven’t talk to Zayn, and worst of all, I haven’t found Harry. I'm like one step closer to being two steps far from him.”

“Louis,” Liam sounds surprised. Louis wonders why Liam is surprise with him after all these years. Liam is sure the one who used to it. “I didn’t know you’re still finding Harry? It’s been years, I thought you give up already?”

Louis rubs his temple, he needs alcohol and cigarettes to be talking about this. “I don’t Li.” Louis really doesn’t want to start talking about Harry without alcohol and cigarettes. “I’m going for a walk now, bye.”

“Louis, wait!”

Louis rolls his eyes, annoyed. Louis is easily annoyed nowadays that he starts getting pissed off at the simplest thing like hearing footsteps or breathing. “What.”

“So, you’re not doing the stunt?”

“No, I am not. Eleanor is the last stunt I’ll be doing. I’m settling down, Li. I am a tired old man and I am retiring from all these bullshits. I got a shit load of things to do than pretending I fucked a blonde.”

“Alright then.” Liam concludes.

“Kay.” Louis is ready to hang up.

“And Louis?”

“What now, Liam?”

“I’m glad you didn’t take the stunt.”

“Bye.”

Louis hangs up.

Louis hangs up and put a 15 dollar bills on the table for the tea. Louis had some shitty days, but he isn’t going to make a poor waiter day as shitty as his.

Dragging his jelly legs, Louis walks out from the restaurant. Maybe he should be doing some souvenirs shopping for his sisters and Eleanor. No matter how much Louis loathes Eleanor, that girl actually great in bed. So a little souvenir from New York cost nothing compared to endless blowjobs that he’ll get from her once he land in California.

But nope, maybe later. He is a serious gay now. Besides, Louis kind of wants to scream at something and returns back to the comfy bed. So walks straight to the hotel, up to his loft.

The next morning, he decided to pull himself bits by bits. He is going to start by hanging out with Zayn. So he texts Zayn for a breakfast hang.

 

To: Zen

_Had been cursed, can’t leave my room. C’mere & bring bfast pls. It’ll be quick, prmise_

 

An hour of waiting and Louis actually manages a take a quick nap, Zayn comes over, alone. The dude is blond now. The other day his hair was pink, and now he is blond. Louis suspects Zayn’s experiencing hair colour bipolar. Aren’t your hair supposed to be damaged if you change the colour too much? Knowing Zayn, he probably going bald, again, if that happens.

“Dude, this pizza is fucking whipped.” Zayn takes a large bite of the pizza he that he brought and Louis nods, taking a drag of their shared joint. Their sessions of quick breakfast turns into a picnic at Louis’s balcony with both of them wearing boxer and eating cold pizza, in the late winter.

“Where’s Timothy? I miss my little bro from another species. Never meet little dude in person.” Louis asks, sorting the vegetables on the pizza.

“Timothy? Maybe you’ll meet him in person rather than seeing him on photos that I’ve sent, if you decided to visit me more often.” Zayn says. He looks so openly free like this, so casual. Unlike normal Zayn that is uptight and likes to damp down his feelings. Louis loves this Zayn more. “He’s at Ha―”

With a mouthful of pizza, Zayn pauses. He stops chewing and blinking repeatedly at nothing as he just realizes something. Louis gives him an uncanny look.

“What, Zayn?” Louis asks, eyebrows knit together.

Zayn turns to look at Louis, slowly swallows his pizza. “He’s at― uh― _hause_ of models, with Gigi. Ya know. Gigi. Yes. With Gigi.” And he dumbly laughs.

Now Zayn is acting weird. Louis shrugs. “Alright, tell me Zoey, how’s your music carrier going on? Moving into Hollywood later?”

Zayn sighs in relief. ‘Timothy is at Harry’s’ almost slips. “I told you everything Louis, are you high? I already told you every single bit of my life when I dragged you out of the bed the other day. From my music video and dating Gigi, I told you!”

Louis raises his hands in surrender. “I can’t focus. Sorry. Tell me again.”

“You can’t focus because you’re on your phone all the time. What you even looking for?”

Louis bites his lips, thinking on how to put this into words, and then he is smirking. He had tried asking Zayn about Harry, and it was all the same answer. ‘I don’t know, Louis, sorry.’ But when Louis thinks back, it’s stupid and that excuse is for 3 years old child. Zayn was Harry’s senior; Zayn was the one who dated Niall, Harry’s best friend, for two fucking whole years. In fact, Louis thinks they’re still dating. In those time span, it’s a total bullshit if Harry wasn’t mentioned in their conversation. Even the slightest bit. Niall probably told everything about Harry to Zayn.

“I was looking for Harry. I am looking for him. I don’t know where to start. Are Yellow Pages things still exist?” Louis sees Zayn’s expression changes when he mentions Harry. Zayn knows. It’s no harm if Louis tries seducing Zayn in telling him about Harry again, right? “Can you please tell me where he is, Zayn?” Louis gives Zayn his devilish smile and wiggles his eyebrows.

Zayn gulps. His eyes are frantic. “Gimme that joint.” Zayn says instead, hand reaching for the joint.

“No.” Louis says, raising the joint higher. Zayn can reach for that if he wants, but he decides to sigh and lean on the balcony bar. Zayn is immune to cold. Really, leaning his bare back on the cold metal in the winter is nothing to Zayn. He stares at the sliding door in front of him. Louis looks right into Zayn’s face, full of hopes and Zayn can see him in his peripheral vision. But immediately, Zayn looks away. He can’t deal with Louis’s puppy eyes right now.

 “You know I can’t do that, Lou. I can’t betray Harry for shit. He is too kind for me.”

Now it is Louis turns to sigh. Harry is always kind. Louis thinks he can never deserve Harry. Even from the start, Louis didn’t deserve Harry. But, it doesn’t matter now. Louis just needs to find Harry.

When Louis’s mind mentions Niall earlier, his cleverer side of mind quickly rings ‘Niall Horan’s instagram account.’ Pardon Louis because he sucks in technologies and he’s doing a shitty job at lurking. But now, things had decided to be on his side. He is an ace in Instagram now. So Louis is going to give Zayn some time to think rationally on why he should tell Louis everything about Harry while Louis grabs his phone, and quickly search for Niall’s account on Instagram.

The curse had ended, they sky is clear again, and Louis had stop aging.

@niallhoran isn’t private!

Louis is excited like a 2 years old getting an ice cream; he is glowing from the inside out, and wide smile starts to creep on his face.

There’s a lot of Zayn’s face, Louis notices. Zayn’s sleeping, Zayn with his middle finger up, and Zayn’s in underwear? But no, Louis is not there to creepily stalk Niall and Zayn’s allegedly bromance, he is there to see if there’s Harry squeezed somewhere in there.

Louis starts by viewing Niall’s top and latest post, which was 25 minutes ago. He is in the middle of a field? Park, maybe. Louis thinks, based on the climbers, see saw and swings behind him, plus there are little children around him, with another long haired lad that didn’t show his face. They’re sitting on the grass, Niall is grinning wide while the long haired lad bowed down, drawing something on the white paper.

Louis reads the description.

Fuck.

“Fuck,” Louis says, and Zayn turns to him. “Fuck, shit, fuck.” Louis continues, and Zayn frowns. “Fuck, shit, holy shit.” Louis breath fluctuates, and Zayn starts to panic because Louis looks like he’s getting a stroke.

“Louis, are you okay?” Zayn asks, worried. He quickly holds Louis’s shoulder and grabs the phone from Louis’s grip but stops when he glances at the screen.

Why Louis is looking at Niall’s photo?

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Fuck.

It’s Niall and Harry. Louis had found Harry based on Niall’s instagram. Clearly it’s Harry, Niall even tagged him on it and even turn on his location.

_‘drawing shits with these little spawn of satan and the satan himself @harrystyles at Walker Park, Staten Island’_

Fucking Niall. Now Zayn is getting a stroke too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have my driving test on Monday. please please pray that I'll pass bc I'd been dying to drive my father's truck but he won't let me unless I got some license lol. not that optimus prime truck but suv truck hahaha but seriously.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a go at 2K words of me rambling.

Beautiful.

Just beautiful, and anything synonym to it.

Harry Styles is so beautiful, it’s mesmerizing. Louis just wants to stare at him until he goes blind because Harry is shining out so bright right now. Louis wants to run his fingers in Harry’s braided hair that tucked with beautiful tiny dandelions. Louis wants to touch the soft skin that is his rosy cheeks. Louis wants to peck those red lips. Louis wants to explore those green eyes.

The whole world stops. Anything that revolves between Louis and Harry doesn’t move. It gets to the point that Louis can hear Harry’s cute laugh when those little children tickles him or examine those wrinkles by his eyes although they are a field apart.

Louis doesn’t blink, or breathe.

“Lou, fucking stop.” Zayn says as he tries to snatch Louis’s iphone.

Louis quickly lean his whole body on the car’s door, away from Zayn. His right hand is gripping the iphone tightly while the other hand keeps slapping Zayn’s hand that tries to reach the iphone. “Stay the fuck away dude.” And he slaps, and pushes, and slaps again until Zayn’s hand turns red.

“No. You stay the fuck away. Stop taking Harry’s photos. It’s creepy as fuck and I don’t want to get involved in your psychopath shit.” Zayn warns, gently massages his red hands.

“Shut the fuck up. I am trying to appreciate Harry’s beauty.” Louis turns back to the window and constantly zooming in and out from his phone camera app, taking several photos of Harry from the car they’re sitting in.

Harry with the little children, Harry taking photos of the children, Harry taking photos of the scenery, Harry playing with―

Timothy.

That’s Timothy.

Louis may never see that pitbull in person, but he knows the pitbull too damn well. Well, who else is wearing the pink glittery collar?

Louis turns to Zayn that keeps rubbing his hands. Louis will apologize later, maybe never, but now he has something bigger on his plate. Louis is always serious in investigating Harry. He is determined.

Louis wears his glasses that hang on his collar, reaches for the binocular that’s on Zayn’s lap, immediately watches Timothy through the binocular.

“The fuck Zayn, you said Timothy is with Gigi?”

When there’s no answer from the Zayn, Louis turns to him, finding the other man grinning sheepishly.

“I― Well, I―”

“So, I can’t believe my best friend, that is you, decided to hide Harry from me. And it’s all been happening under my fucking nose. I was too blind to see this!” Louis rants.

“Calm down will ya?” Zayn rolls his eyes and starts unwrapping his McDonalds meal, a side dish that he bought this morning. A day with Louis means a day fills with junk food and smoke. “You know I know where Harry is and you know that I can’t tell you because Niall and Harry will kill me.” Zayn takes a large bite of his cheese burger.

Louis grunts, throwing the binocular down on the car mats, grunts again when it falls on his bare feet, because Louis may not manage to wear shoes when he dragged Zayn out from his hotel room down to the car park and force Zayn to drive him to the park. They have to wear their clothes on the car because Louis is an eager piece of shit, and he has to endure Zayn’s endless complains about he needed to get his hair done again and Zayn had been fixing his hair every time they stops at traffic lights.

So here Louis is, in his plain Adidas t-shirt and large baggy short, he looks like a drug lord. It’s the only outfit he can reach. He doesn’t have time to take a step back and look himself into mirror and plan what he is going to wear, because his mind keep chanting ‘Harry Harry Harry.’

“Fuck Louis.” Zayn says, wrapping back his burger and throwing it to the back seat. “Shit.” Louis frowns to Zayn that starts freaking out. “You need to get out.”

Louis immediately crosses his arms at Zayn. “Excuse me, what?”

“Niall.” Zayn says that one name and looks at Louis past his head, and Louis didn’t have to turn around to know that Niall probably is walking to them.

But still, he turns around, and aghast when finding Niall really is walking towards them.

“What the fuck Zayn?” Louis starts to panic. “How the hell that blond knows we’re here?”

“This is his car of course he knows―” Zayn starts and Louis gives him a really judging look. “Shit Lou, just, get out from the back door of my side.”

Louis will ask questions later. But now he wastes no time crawling to the back seat and crutch down to the floor and opens the door. But wait,

“Zayn,” he calls. “Give me your shoes.”

Louis hears Zayn curses under his breath and then, a pair of shoes falls on his head.

Fucking Zayn.

“I’ll make you pay for this, Zee.” And he opens the door and rolls down to the cold pavement, hissing because it feels like ice spikes poking his skins and Louis can’t stand up, Niall will notices him. And he can’t stay here by the roadside either. He’ll get run over.

So with holding the pair of shoes, Louis duck-walks to the road edge, putting on Zayn’s shoes, standing and then running away from monstrous Niall. He runs and doesn’t spare another glance to the back because for dear life, Louis really doesn’t want to deal with a loud blonde interrogating him.

He runs into the field, and he could be jogging now, until he hears a loud bark.

Louis turns around, and uh― Timothy?

Yes, pink glittery collar, definitely Timothy.

And he’s running towards Louis.

Pink glittery collar or not, the pitbull is chasing him. He’s barking loud and running after Louis. That’s not very friendly of a puppy. Is he a puppy? Louis doesn’t know. And he doesn’t want to know when the pitbull looks like he’s about to skin Louis alive.

Screw other people on the park, Louis is running faster than Usain Bolt and he is screaming louder than X-Men Banshee.

Louis is fast, but the pitbull is faster, and like every cliché in his life, Louis has to trip on something and fall rolling on the field. Great. Just the correct time to fall. All his life running on the field and never trip on something, so Louis could start now.

This is it, Louis is on his deathbed, or grass, cold, running out of breath, smells like shit, and he starts seeing grim reaper waving at him somewhere. Louis wants to bequeath all his shares in his company to his mother, his personal property to the people in need, and ripped out his heart for Harry.

Louis might be dead and going straight to hell, but his heart will always beat for Harry.

“Timothy!” A shrill of cute, loud voice rings in the air. hhhhhHh

A beat passes. Why Louis is still alive? Is he going to die painless? Maybe he is already dead, that’s why he feels no pain. Louis keeps blinking at the open sky, afraid to move.

And a little blonde girl with a worried face blocks his view. The girl looks down to him.

“Mister, are you okay?” The little girl asks.

“Am I dead?” Louis asks back.

The girl giggles and then she’s gone. It’s the empty sky again. Wait, where did she go? No, don’t go. Don’t leave Louis in this heaven? Is he at heaven? What did he do to deserve him a place in heaven? And Louis sits down, turns to the girl that stands beside him and―

“Waaaaaaaahaaaa!” Louis shouts, hiding himself behind the girl’s back, because there’s Timothy staring at him, or the girl, and the pitbull is not taking a step closer to Louis because of the girl literally holding her hand out to stop Timothy. Louis is going to use this girl as his armour from the dangerous pitbull.

“Just get him away from me.” Louis is begging. Honestly, a 27 years old adult is begging for a 4, maybe 5, years old girl to save his life?

Louis is gripping the girl’s shoulder and hides his face behind the girl’s head, totally avoiding Timothy because each time the pitbull sees him, he’ll barks and it sent shivers to Louis’s spine.

“Bad, bad dog!” The little girl’s scolds, and Timothy immediately crouching, front paw raised, rump lowered, head down and making an apologetic sound. “I am telling Erry’ after he back from poo poo!”

Timothy ears fold back; his eyes are fixed on the little girl.

“Hey,” Louis taps the little girl’s shoulder. “Go easy on―”

“Lux, what are you―”

Louis immediately turns to the human voice. And his eyes almost roll out from his skull.

 

* * *

 

Harry hears Lux loud angry voice as soon as he steps out from the public toilet.

Harry just shakes his head and makes his way to her at the end of the park, where she’s scolding Timothy and there’s someone behind her, crouching into half and hides his face behind her head.

Harry laughs. Timothy probably trying to be friendly again, with wrong person, in a wrong way.

“Lux,” Harry calls. “What are you―”

“Hey, go easy on―”

Pause.

Suddenly Harry feels his adrenaline rushes and he’s getting goosebumps. The stranger is talking to Lux at the same time and Harry knows that voice.

He knows that voice way too well. Harry could be dead and still be able to recognize that voice. Maybe he shouldn’t come out from the toilet. Maybe he shouldn’t come here today. Maybe he shouldn’t even move in to New York after all.

And when the figure behind Lux stands, Harry feels like he’s not breathing, no, Harry sure he is not breathing. If before this he’s hard to breath, now he can’t breathe at all. His heart doesn’t beat and his blood doesn’t flow in his vein and his soul left his body for the countless times.

Because that? That is Louis fucking Tomlinson.

Harry should’ve known when he saw Niall’s Range Rover that he gave to Zayn parked at the road side.

“Timothy tried to chase people again.” Harry hears Lux explains but it sounds so far and it’s so hard to drift his eyes from Louis Tomlinson. Louis that looks so bloody perfect with perfectly toned and defined arms. Louis Tomlinson that is in just a simple t-shirts and large baggy shorts, and brown fringe that is definitely soft when Louis just sweeps his fringe to the side of his face, and Harry can clearly see his blue eyes that pierce right into Harry’s soul and heart. And that eyeglasses. Ugh. That eyeglasses. Harry is not strong for this. Louis Tomlinson that maybe an inch or two shorter than him but with that height Harry definitely can scoop him and wraps Louis Tomlinson in his arms forever and God, look at that endless tattoos. Endless tattoos that Harry wants to point each one of them and asks their meaning and write poems about them and―

Fuck. Harry is so fucked up. He is falling in Tomlinson’s trap again.

“Lux.” Harry calls for Lux that is hugging Timothy, petting him slowly. Lux looks up to Harry. “Lux baby, just―” Harry is at great loss of words. “Go pack your things. Tell the other kids. We’re going home.”

“But Erry’ you said―”

“We’re going home. Now.” Harry didn’t sound pugnacious, but maybe he did when Lux makes a cry face, and Harry immediately squats down to the little blonde. The last thing he needs to deal with is a crying 4 years old when he already fighting death that is Louis Freaking Tomlinson.

“Baby, sorry,” He tucks a line of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t mean to say it that way, but, um― we can get pizza after we drop off other kids? How about that?”

Lux’s face immediately lightens. “Okay, Erry.” And she kisses Harry’s cheek before runs to the group of kids that’s playing with Grace, Harry’s co-worker, with Timothy trails behind her.

When Lux leaves, Harry takes a deep breath, holds his knees and pushes himself up. His knees definitely weak and he is going to turn around, walk away from Louis Tomlinson that is standing stiffly and staring at him. Harry is going to pretend that this doesn’t happen. He did not just meet Louis Tomlinson so he is going home, eating vegan pizza and live his life like before.

Harry is doing just that, turning around and starts to walk at unhealthy speed and if he hears Louis calling out for his name, that is just his mind trying to fuck Harry more than he already is.

He can’t turn around. He can’t turn around to his past after every effort he put into expunging it. And if he keep hearing Louis’s voice calling for him, Harry might turn around. So Harry does what he did best, he runs.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry’s birthday finally come. (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry this not the end yet, it’s the beginning so bear with me. Aaand, in this chapter I decided to write Gryles, and to spice things up, Harry and Nick’s sexual intercourse because it’s inevitable, but don’t worry, it’s not detailed lol I just can’t think further of Gryles snick snack ya know? So if you want to skip it, just don’t read the part that starts with // until the next //. 
> 
> Another thing, I divide this birthday thing into two parts, because it's long and part 2 is still unedited.

 

Harry can’t stop pacing in his room. Harry had spent the whole evening with Lux, from sending his other students to their house, getting pizza with Lux, and sending her home to his mother. Lux had helped Harry in all levels from Harry to swallow the awful reality that he had met Louis Tomlinson. Harry didn’t just saw him in news or papers anymore, Louis Tomlinson is legit before his eyes, breathing the same air as Harry.

Did he just met Louis Tomlinson? Yes, he definitely just did. By the ridiculous fact that Harry had evaluated Louis’s whole body right when he saw him, Harry definitely just met Louis Tomlinson. And he is hyperventilate pacing in his room right now, oh how Harry wishes he can get over that he just met Louis Tomlinson as fast as he paces right now.

Harry needs another distraction. Alcohol? Harry can’t. He had to wake up early tomorrow. Works? Harry needs to stop being so workaholic because he actually finished his works by time and now he is left with nothing.

Harry hears the main door clicks open, and then Nick’s whistling some songs Harry can’t identify. Maybe he doesn’t care. And when he hears Nick’s putting his bunch of keys in the key bowl, Harry knows he needs to stop hyperventilating and acts casual. He needs to relax. So he sits down by the bed, takes a deep breath, and tries making his heartbeat normal again.

“Harry?” Nick calls. “Baby, are you home?” Nick goes again when Harry doesn’t answer.

It hits him then, Nick is his reality, his present. Louis Tomlinson is nothing compared to Nick Grimshaw. Nick that loves him regardless who or how he is, Nick that never once mistreated Harry, Nick that never takes any advantages of Harry, Nick Grimshaw that Harry loves so much.

‘Nick.’ Harry’s mind ticks, and he stands up. ‘Nick.’ His mind ticks again and he walks out from the room, to the figure that’d been standing in the living room, sorting his mails. Nick looks up immediately to Harry, greeting him with a warm smile that melts Harry’s heart. Maybe it really doesn’t melt his heart. But Harry needs a distraction.

//

“Hi ba― mmgh.” Nick doesn’t get to finish his greetings, because Harry just launched himself to Nick, attaching their lips immediately. Nick is surprise, totally, because Harry’s rarely eager, but Harry is shutting his eyes, enjoying and savouring Nick’s taste on his tongue, so Nick will be really stupid if he wastes another time wondering _why_.

Maybe Harry is just horny.

“Little bit eager today, aren’t we?” Nick says as soon as Harry unattached his lip from Nick’s to take a breath.

“I need to feel you. Right now.” Harry replies as he shoves Nick’s leather jacket to take off Nick’s t-shirt, and he succeeds in a short amount of time, which he proceeds to unbutton Nick’s jeans. Harry himself is barely in his tight boxers, shirtless, so those simple words from this boldly cunning creature flow right into Nick’s hardening dick.

Harry is relentless.

As soon as Nick carries him to their bed, Harry has all the distraction he needs. When Nick is scissoring him open, Harry starts to forget about some pair of blue eyes that he met today. When Nick slowly enters him, it’s all Nick here and there. When Harry is nothing but a breathless moan and shooting white ribbons on his stomach while arching his back on the bed, Harry had forgotten about the whole Louis Tomlinson existence.

It’s when Nick comes back from the bathroom after cleaning him up; snuggle behind his back, running his nose on the crook between Harry’s neck and shoulder, mouthing “I love you, Harry. So much” that makes Harry realizes he wishes it is Louis Tomlinson that’s hugging him now. Harry wishes it’s Louis Tomlinson that chants ‘I love you, Harry’ to him when he wakes up. Harry wishes it’s Louis Tomlinson that fucking him deep just now.

//

Nick is just a distraction.

Harry doesn’t sleep at all that night. Harry is tired, his body’s sore but he can’t sleep. Right when he’s about to drift asleep, the cold reality hit him like a wave. And he jerks awake. The reality that he can never love Nick like he loves Louis, the reality that maybe he never love Nick after all, the reality that Harry never fall out of love from Louis Tomlinson.

And thoughts by thoughts keep coming at him after that. How can he love Louis Tomlinson so much when all Louis ever did is rubbing salt in Harry’s wound, gives Harry nothing but a fucking grief? How stupid again he is going to be? How greedy he is, wanting Louis Tomlinson that never wants him in the first place, wanting someone else other than his own boyfriend? How selfish he is, keeping Nick all by himself when Nick clearly deserve someone better than Harry, someone who actually loves Nick, someone who thinks about him all the time.

One day, things are going to fall apart, Harry knows that. He doesn’t want to think about it.

Harry doesn’t hear about Louis Tomlinson or actually see him for a week. No one talks about Louis Tomlinson to Harry, not even Zayn, although Harry manages to catch guilt in his expressions when he saw Zayn next day. But they don’t talk about it. They don’t talk about how in earth did Louis manages to find Harry, because Harry knows, sooner or later he will meet Louis eventually, with, or without Zayn’s help. Niall don’t know Louis was there, Harry thinks, because if he does, Niall for sure doesn’t stop nagging about it. Harry doesn’t watch news or read newspaper or being on internet too, he doesn’t want to think about Louis Tomlinson. So he’s distracting himself with loads of works he decided to do, like editing Zayn’s music video, or taking his little students to the park, attended poetry readings, and actually does yoga in his spare times.

Anything to makes Harry forgets.

But the selfie of Nick and Louis that Nick showed him reminds Harry that Louis exist, and Harry doesn’t dream about Louis being here in New York. Lux loud story to her friends that she saved a man from Timothy reminds Harry that he really met Louis in the park that day. And the spark of blue eyes Harry see each time he closes his eyes, reminds Harry about how beautiful someone that is Louis Tomlinson.

Everything is normal, until exactly 7 days after he met Louis Tomlinson.

Harry already forgets Louis Tomlinson exists by then. Louis isn’t worth his time when he’s so busy with his photography works, teaching arts to little children, worshipping Nick, and third wheeling Zayn and Niall.

But Louis never forgets Harry Styles.

It’s his birthday; Harry comes home right in time for dinner. He is tired, he is hungry, and he is horny.

When he hears Nick’s voice singing Adele’s and the house smells like food and chocolate cake, Harry smiles. He smiles because he loves Nick so much and he wants to spend every hour of his life in their happy bubble. He smiles because no matter how tired he is from work, he can never be tired of someone that is Nick Grimshaw.

Nick pokes his head from the kitchen when Harry shuts the door, greets Harry with a “Welcome home babe!” and a wide smile. Harry manages to toe off his boots before he’s being crunched into Nick’s tight hug.

“Mhm, birthday boy smells good.” Nick sing songs, running his nose on Harry’s temple.

Harry giggles and tears himself from Nick’s. Running his eyes up and down of the man’s front. “I prefer you’re in apron and naked underneath. You know, birthday present.” Harry winks and pinches Nick’s bum, causing the man to jumps and―

Harry hears someone clears his throat.

Louis Tomlinson.

That is Louis Tomlinson’s voice. Without he realizing it, Harry lets out a heavy sigh. He is too tired to deal with his ex teenage crush, and his currently boyfriend. Harry is too tired to be in the same room with Louis Tomlinson and Nick Grimshaw. Harry is tired battling his own feelings and rebuilding the concrete walls in his heart that collapse each time he see Louis Tomlinson.

It’s his birthday. Harry is officially 25 years old. Harry had ate his vegetables in all those years, helped the elderly, be nice to everything and everyone, Harry is kind, yet he still had to deal with a shit load like this.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Nick whispers and Harry just want to cling into Nick like a koala bear and away from Louis Tomlinson that is somewhere near Nick, Harry doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to see that face.

Harry doesn’t answer Nick. Harry can’t even breathe properly. Harry feels like his throat is dry and something is clogging his inhalation. How can he answer Nick?

“Sorry,” Nick mutters. Why Nick is apologizing to him? “My boyfriend’s just nervous, I think.” Oh he’s apologizing to Louis. Louis that doesn’t deserve Nick’s politeness, Louis that deserves everything mean and rude. “By the way, Louis, this is Harry. And babe, this is― I’m sure you know who?” Nick laughs like it’s something funny and hugs Harry’s shoulder that somehow manages to bring Harry back to the ground where he stands. “I just thought how great it is if you meet him on your birthday. So I invited him to celebrate.”

Harry wants to melt into a poodle and absorb himself into the soil all way to earth core and maybe, straight to hell. His birthday party suppose to be more into lads’ night with Nick, Niall, and Zayn. Maybe there’s Lux too. But now with Louis is here, it definitely not going to be lads’ night.

Now that he think back, Louis Tomlinson is right in front of him. This moment is real. If those one at the park feels like a dream, this one is not. Harry never thought that he will meet Louis Tomlinson, ever. He is doing a best job that is running and avoiding Louis Tomlinson, although Zayn had told Harry how miserable Louis was when Harry left, that only makes Harry wants to scream ‘how does it feels, bitch?’ to Louis’s face. But actually, no, it’s a no. Harry can’t scream it on Louis’s face because he is an educated and a mannered human, and if Harry is going to meet Louis Tomlinson, he might have a few plans on his list that are:

  1. Niall and Zayn’s wedding, if they ever get married. But now they are just two assholes with continuous flirting and Harry started to doubt this point.
  2. Random occasions. The world is small they said, so Harry is likely to meet Louis Tomlinson on random places that are parks, coffee shop (Louis didn’t like coffee but still,), or maybe a bakery. Anywhere that Harry can run and hide.
  3. Harry don’t know, maybe Zayn and Niall trying to set a meeting or a date between Harry and Louis? Harry is always prepared for this.



But what he never thought is, Nick Grimshaw, his dear boyfriend for years, is the one trying to set an annual meeting between Harry and Louis.

To add Harry’s grief, on his birthday.

Worse, at his own house.

“Hello, Harry.” Louis holds out his hand to Harry. It all sounds so casual. Like nothing ever happened between them. Like there’s no hearts being broke. Nothing.

Harry didn’t take Louis’s hand. He just stare at Louis’s veiny hand that’s aesthetically beautiful that Harry might doesn’t want to shake Louis’s hand. He wants to kiss it. No. Styles, calm the fuck down. Harry turns to Nick. “I―” he starts, unsure of what he about to say.

“Oh, baby. You might want to take that.” Nick guides Harry’s hand to Louis, and they touch. They touch for 0.02 seconds before Harry quickly pulls his hands from Louis because it feels so much. He had been avoiding this man for 5 years and now, in one day span, he met, he touched and he might have to talk to this man.

It’s barely a handshake but Nick is happy with that. “Well, guess you guys should have a little chat. My cake is calling for me. Get ready baby, Niall and Zayn will arrive in an hour.” Harry looks at him, surprise. Nick can’t leave Harry with Louis Tomlinson. Harry will die.

“Nick.” Harry holds Nick’s hand. He is desperate. Desperate for Nick to stay.

But Nick just winks at him, mutters a slow, “Talk to him.” And let go of Harry’s hand. Nick let go of Harry’s hand and gives Louis a thumb up. How fucking idiot his boyfriend could be? Nick is dumb and Harry wants to drown him in his own blood.

It stays silent for a second when Nick returned to the kitchen and a swoop of anger blows into Harry’s face. Harry doesn’t know where that anger comes from, but it gives Harry a weird strength to look Louis in the eyes and oh, how he despises that face.

5 years worth of anger hit him, hard.

Harry is angry when he remembered every single thing Louis had done to him, and he is angrier when he realize he always love Louis Tomlinson after all those horrible things. How stupid can someone be, blinding by love?

Louis is smiling, and Harry hates him even more. Why the fuck is he smiling? Did Harry tell him something funny? Oh right, of course he would smile, because for Louis Tomlinson, Harry is a fucking big joke. Louis thinks it’s okay to just come back into Harry’s life, smiling like an idiot after everything he did to Harry.

Harry is going to explode somehow, so he might as well explode now.

“Hello Louis Tomlinson that threw me out from his house during his party but showed up at my small party 5 years later. Oh, how the tables have fucking turned.”

Harry feels like he just spit his venom into Louis Tomlinson’s face when the man’s expression changes.

“I―” Louis starts, but Harry is not done yet.

“Don’t worry. I won’t ask you to―”

“I am so sorry, Harry. I am so sorry after everything I had done to you, every single one of it. When you left, I just spend all those years in self regret and I realize how sorry I am and how much I―”

There’s a pause.

Harry wonders why he is still alive.

Don’t say it.

Don’t fucking say it.

Whatever it is, Harry doesn’t want to hear it. Harry doesn't want to hear the brief details of Louis miserable life without Harry or how sorry he is. Harry doesn't care.

Louis’s blue eyes pierce into Harry’s green eyes while he says, soft, slow, and clear. “―how much I love you.”

Oh, there's an another outcome where Louis Tomlinson is in love with him. Heh. 

Louis Tomlinson is in love with him?

Harry pinches his own forearm, it hurts. So this is real.

Harry is so fucking in love with Louis Tomlinson too.

Harry pinches his own forearm again, warning his body, mind, and heart to gather his own shit together.

Okay, so. The one that's in love with Louis? That was 19 years old Harry that was dumb and naive. 25 years old Harry, an adult that is in his own conscious mind, is not in love with anyone else other than Nick Grimshaw and hates no one else other than Louis Tomlinson.

“You are drunk.” Harry concludes. Because it escalated quickly and Harry doesn’t know what to do, or say. “My boyfriend is cooking us dinner, right there.” He points to the kitchen. “And you―” he points back to Louis. “Are drunk. Make yourself at home, I’m taking a shower.”

Louis opens his mouth to say something, but Harry immediately walks away from him.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday party / lads night continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s Gryles, because it's a continuation from the bday party, and I promise this is the last graphic Gryles, besides the other one when they’re breaking up. I’ll minimize Grimshaw as much as I can becauselarryisfuckingreal.  
> Don’t be sad, after every storm, there is a rainbow or so they said right? Love loads! X

If Harry doesn’t love Nick, then what would he called it? Lust? No, Harry is not with Nick because he needs a good sex, although it’s a bonus. Infatuation? He and Nick had been together for years. Two years top, maybe three, but who’s counting? So, this is not a onetime thing. Like? Maybe. He could use that. Maybe he just likes Nick, maybe.

> **Difference between Love and Like**
> 
> Love is an unconditional emotion, while like is a more watered-down version of love. Loving someone means that he or she means everything to you, while liking someone means that you are simply happy being with that person. Love involves deeper, stronger emotions, while like is more of a tender feeling towards that special someone. Love is another person becoming an integral part of your life, while like is being comfortable in the company of a person.

Harry groans and buries his face in Nick’s pillow. They’re having little party downstairs for him while he’s here dealing with what to wear and what is this feeling inside him right now. Harry lift his face from the pillow, pressing the home button to his phone repeatedly so that it exits the article he’s reading, rolls out of the bed, and begin to rummage through his closet for his outfit.

Harry comes down for dinner right when Zayn arrives, with Lux that is in a pink dress, and Timothy that is in peach collar. Louis is nowhere to be seen, great. Maybe he’s in the kitchen or maybe he had gone home because Timothy is here. Nick is greeting them and Lux immediately lightens up when she sees Harry.

“Erry!” She cheers, running up the stairs to him and hugs his leg.

“Hi little duck.” Harry pets her braided blonde hair. She has a light make up on her face. Gigi definitely did that. Speaking of Gigi, “Where is Gigi?” Harry asks Zayn.

“It’s a lads night, we agree.” Zayn laughs. The truth is, he can never be in the same room with Gigi and Niall. It’s like the _Harry and Louis_ situation, but a lot worse. At least Harry hasn’t sleep with Louis, _yet_. At least Nick and Louis barely know each other. In Zayn case, it’s not like that. Ever since Zayn notices Niall can get along really well with everyone, including Gigi, when they’re talking and laughing at each other during the Pillowtalk filming, Zayn had been avoiding Niall from meeting Gigi without his supervision. How Zayn is going to handle his official girlfriend in the same room with his friends with benefits or, his ex boyfriend that the feelings are still there?

Louis pokes his head from the kitchen when he heard Lux calls for Harry. He plans to take a brief look at Harry, because he is missing Harry wholeheartedly by then. But a brief look turns into a blatant obvious stare. Harry looks perfectly beautiful. If on normal days he is beautiful, today, tonight, he is exquisite, elegant, and angelic. Louis beam up to Harry like Leonardo DiCaprio looked at Kate Winslet in Titanic when she walks down the stairs during the ball. Harry that comes graceful down the stairs.

It’s hard to miss the way Harry’s eyes light up the room and steal the air, locking every breath Louis tries to take.

Harry, that is wearing a black short-sleeve silk with white flowers button up, which clearly shows his pale beige chest that catches Louis praying he’ll see Harry nips slip some when later, a skinny black jeans that wraps Harry’s long legs just fine, and a pair of pointy boots. His outfits totally achieves that 70s glam rock vibe and Louis really love it on Harry.

“Louis,” Zayn says, clearly shocked. And all eyes darts to Louis, except for Lux that’s playing with Harry’s hem of shirt. “What are you doing here?”

“I―”

The door swings open. “Hello bitches!” Niall Horan is here. The majestic beast had decided to show up.

Harry immediately covers Lux’s ears. “Niall, language. We have a toddler here.” He warns.

“Opps.” Niall shuts the door using his feet. “Hi babz.” He kisses Zayn’s cheek. “Hi ya’ll.” He waves to them like a miss universe just wins the title. “Harry, dude, happy birthday! I bring wine!” Niall raises the bottle of white wine. Knowing Niall, that wine probably cost twice Harry’s salary. “What in hell are you wearing? Are we attending funeral?” Niall asks.

Harry rolls his eyes and uncovers Lux’s ears. Harry, for the team, is surely going to funeral. Funeral of his own feelings.

“Hey, it’s the mister!” Lux says, pointing to Louis.

Again, all eyes in the house turn to him. Even Timothy, and he barks, along with Niall disgust scream of, “What the hell is he doing here?” while pointing to Louis.

There’s an awkward silence.

“Um, you guys know Louis?” Nick asks Zayn and Niall. Harry eyes bulge and he coughs, hoping that Zayn and Niall will get the cue of not breaking it to Nick. Nick doesn’t have to know. It’s the past. Maybe it’s the future too but either way, Harry doesn’t want Nick to know his connections to Louis Tomlinson. So he waves to the duo and shakes his head like a monkey from the stairs.

Louis looks at Harry, and then turns to Niall and Zayn that looks like they just swallowed cinnamon. “Um we,” Zayn nudges Niall. “We,” Niall continues for Zayn. “We used to be in the same college, remember? So, we―” Niall gulps. “Kinda know each other.”

Zayn nods. Agrees with Niall. “Yeah, I mean like, hey, it’s Louis Tomlinson. Everyone knows him.”

Louis frowns. Zayn didn’t just know Louis Tomlinson, Zayn lives with Louis Tomlinson, shit in the same toilet with Louis Tomlinson, sometimes shared a bed with Louis Tomlinson when it’s lightning and thunders, Zayn literally Louis Tomlinson brother from another parents. Zayn even did Louis’s first tattoo.

“Zayn,” Louis calls. “What―”

“Louis! I am a big fan! Bear hug!” Niall quickly shuts Louis up by running towards Louis and clasp Louis so tight that it almost breaks Louis’s bone. Louis is horrified. Even if Niall Horan is the last human on earth, and Louis needs to have sex with him to save human species, Louis doubts he will do it. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because Niall hates Louis. It’s obvious, clear and apparent.

Louis thinks if he’s getting hit by a bus, Niall will order Pizza and watch him die slowly instead of helping him.

So Louis is completely bewildered now when Niall hugs him.

Nick laughs, walks to Louis and stands beside him as soon as Niall breaks their hug. “I invited Louis. Because Harry is a fan,” Niall immediately rolls his eyes, mouthing, _‘what a bullshit’_ , “Besides, Louis and I are bezzy mates! We’d been texting ever since I interviewed him and it wouldn’t kill anyone if I invited him, right?”

Zayn and Niall turns to Harry that’d been smiling upside down. Harry that looks like he’s in the verge of tears. Harry hates these two synchronize movements; it reminds Harry how much he had spend third wheeling with them. But as far as Nick point goes, Harry thinks, of course Louis Tomlinson being here wouldn’t kill anyone. You can’t kill someone that’s already dead. That someone, being Harry.

“Can we eat? Zee said there’s cake. I want cake.” Lux says, looking up to Harry.

“Of course bunny,” Nick interjects, holding out his arms to Lux. “C’mere. You can cut the cake with Harry.”

Louis frowns, looking at the couple. Nick didn’t say anything about Lux. Lux that saved Louis from the wild Timothy. Is she their daughter? Definitely not. Harry wouldn’t let his daughter stays with a guy that has a poor hygiene care, which is Zayn. So why did Lux arrived with Zayn? Maybe he is Nick’s daughter from his past relationship. Could be, that’s why Lux is so fond of them.

“Come on guys.” Nick says to them as soon as he lifts Lux. “Come here baby.” Nick makes a grabby hand to Harry and waits for Harry to walk down the stairs to him.

It’s too painful for Louis to see. They look like a proper happy family with Lux in Nick’s arm, and he is holding Harry’s hand.

“Come on!” Niall brutally taps Louis’s back, and if Zayn didn’t hold his forearm, Louis will slump down to the floor.

 

* * *

 

“Okay! Cake is here!” Nick comes from the kitchen, approaching the round table, holding a chocolate cake coated with pink icing and buttercream swirls are piped onto the sides of the cake. It’s written there ‘Happy 25th Birthday Hazza!’ at the centre of the cake with small colourful fondant rose around it. Nick places the cake in front of Harry that sits two seats away from Louis. And Nick sits between them. Zayn, which had turned into a total stranger now, sits besides Louis and Niall is next to him with Lux.

Zayn helps lights up the 2 and 5 candles. And like every birthday party ever, they sing Harry birthday song. Louis doesn’t care. He just wants to see how the candle lights accentuate Harry’s cheekbones. God, Harry even wears a flower crown that Lux made him. Harry is so beautiful and Louis almost feels like Harry is his.

But no. Someone has to ruin it.

As soon as Harry makes his wish and blows out the candles, he turns to Nick and kisses him. It’s not just a peck, he is literally making out with Nick right now. If Louis stares long enough, Louis will know they’re using tongue but Louis rather watch Timothy licks his balls than look at Harry and Nick.

Louis wants to cut his own ears when Harry keeps calling Nick ‘babe’ or Nick calling Harry ‘baby’ and they keep changing slow kisses and sometimes Louis notices how Harry is rubbing circles on Nick’s knees. And fuck, that is it.

Louis is ready to take out his weapon in winning Harry back.

“Guys, how’s the food?” Louis asks.

Silence.

Just silence.

It’s like Louis’s talking to a goddamn wall.

“How’s the food, babe?” Nick turns to Harry. Harry chews his spoonful of chicken stuffed. His face immediately lightens. It’s unfair, on how Harry decided Louis didn’t exist in the room, and how he immediately swoons over Nick that just fucking asks how the food is.

“Nick, this is so good!” Harry cheers.

“Potato yummy!” Lux adds, face smudges with chocolate and mashed potato.

“This is great baby,” Harry goes again, taking another bite.

“Actually,” Nick pauses. “Louis made it, it’s chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham, along with mashed potatoes. Louis is a nice cook, I thought he can’t even boiled water! I spend the whole evening baking the cakes, I’m lucky Louis is such a huge help.” Nick laughs and Harry chokes. Harry chokes so hard that he is in tears, and Louis wonders is Harry going to look like that when he chokes on Louis’s 9 inch dick.

“Lou.” Louis turns to Zayn that’s leaning himself towards Louis, whispering. “I thought you don’t know how to cook?”

“I thought you don’t know me?” Louis replies, sassy, and Zayn shrug with an ‘okay fine’ and continues talking to Niall.

“Lou bear, very yummy.” Lux praises him. Louis immediately holds out his hand across the table and high five Lux. Louis is smug, even for a compliment from a 4 years old. Ever since Lux learned that Louis is Louis, she stops calling Louis ‘mister’ and start calling Louis ‘Lou Bear’, which is okay, his mother calls him ‘Boo Bear’ so Louis can deal with ‘Lou Bear’, and it gets better when Louis knows that Lux is neither of the lads daughter, she is Lou Teasdale’s daughter, Harry’s neighbour that works night shift that night, a single mother, and Lux prefer staying with Harry, or Zayn, rather than her own babysitter.

At least he is not awkward now that he befriend with a 4 years old.

“Oh, present time!” Niall reminds, excited. “Come on guys, we’d been spending two hours eating, mostly talking.” Niall stands up, stretching his arms.

“Harry supposes to open the presents when we’re gone, Niall. It’s not a fucking Christmas.” Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Listen,” Niall raises his index finger to Zayn. “I didn’t spent half of my thrust fund on Harry’s present for him to open it when I’m gone.”

Turn out, Niall’s present that cost him half of his thrust fund, which is a lie, Niall thrust fund is enough to support the whole United States, is a Gucci floral print suit. It’s orange, and has green flowers patched on it. It’s beautiful; Harry’s going to look great in it. Harry’s going to look great in everything. They’re in the living room, drinking beer and Lux is drinking her own chocolate drink that Harry made for her. Niall is sprawling on the loveseat all by himself, Zayn on the floor near him with Lux on his lap, Nick is sitting on the sofa next to Harry that opens the presents excitedly, constantly petting Harry’s back or his laps. Louis, like he was for the past hours, sitting alone on the sofa chair. Louis just watches how they all talk with each other, how carefree they are with each other, Niall and Zayn don’t even bother to hide their affection with each other when Niall constantly playing with Zayn’s hair and Zayn actually leans into it. It’s nice to see, and if Louis wasn’t too mean to Harry back then, if he wasn’t so cocky back then, this all could be his right now.

It will be his, one day.

Zayn gives Harry an A3 portrait of Harry, smiling, that Zayn drew himself. It looks exactly like Harry, not that Louis hopes there’s a defect somewhere, since Zayn decided to swallow his painting talent and focus on his singing carrier, but it’s good and it’s mirroring Zayn himself. The details of the sketches, the contrast in colour, it’s all so Zayn. Even a blind could tell Zayn’s the one who draw this. Nick gives Harry the Tomlinson Chicago Fire jersey, which Harry’s totally faking that he likes it, although he chokes when he reads Louis’s written wish. So Harry remembers. Maybe he really like it, but he just great in hiding it. Lux gives Harry a Happy Birthday card that she made herself, which Louis hard to read what she wrote, ‘Hepy Britday Ery!’ along with a drawing of Harry, definitely Harry based on the curls on the stickman, and another little stickman with blonde long hair, that is maybe Lux. Lux even spent half bottle of Zayn’s Gucci by Gucci cologne on the card so that it smells good, in fact, it smells so strong it’s prodding Louis’s nose right now.

They don’t ask Louis for his present, because they’re doing great job in ignoring him, except Nick, who keeps talking to Louis. Louis is annoyed, really. He understands that Nick is trying to be a good host, or a good friend, but Louis rather not being disturbed when he’s watching Harry. Harry and his dimples when he smiles, or his rabbit teeth when he grins, or how he moves his hands when he’s rambling.

Harry is so beautiful.

Louis actually has a present for Harry, but it’s just a wrong place and a wrong time to present him. Louis can wait for another proper moment to give Harry his present, a moment that is more private, a moment that is just Louis, Harry and the moon. Louis will wait for that moment, he had waited for 5 years, Louis can wait eternally for Harry.

Overall, Louis can conclude the party is a huge success for himself, and his solid plan of winning Harry back, although Harry completely ignores him, and sticks with Nick all the time, changing slow pecks and soft whispers, which Louis avoided to look, and he swears to himself that when Harry is him, Louis will never let any strange hand other than his near Harry again. Harry will be only his.

When Niall is drunk, and Zayn has to excuse themselves to drag Niall home, manages to whisper “Don’t fuck this up,” to Louis, the Lord has agrees that luck should be on Louis’s side this time, because Nick stands up too, carrying Lux in his arms, saying,

“It’s bed time to Lux. She’s staying up late today. I’m going to tuck her in.”

Harry looks up at Nick, surprise. “It’s okay, I can do it.”

“No, baby. Just stay fine, and be mine. I’ll do it.” Nick slowly pats sleepy Lux’s back that’s resting her head on Nick’s shoulder. Harry knows it’s useless to argue with Nick, but he would argue more on why Harry’s the one that should tuck Lux in, as long as he doesn’t have to be left alone with Louis. But Harry decided he shouldn’t do that when Lux starts to whine.

Nick carries Lux out from their house, to Lou’s house that’s just next to theirs.

Louis knows, it is the right moment for him.

“Harry―”

“No.” Harry stands up, and walks into the kitchen.

“Harry, just listen to me.” Louis follows him.

Harry grabs the plastic glass from sink, turns on the faucet, filling the glass with clear water and takes a large gulp. Suddenly he feels hot and claustrophobic. He grips the glass harder than he always do. “What are there to explain Louis? Just, leave me alone.”

Harry sounds angry and sad.

“I need to do this now, Harry. I’m going back to Chicago tomorrow and I’m signing with this new team and the practice for league is going to start soon. I’ll try my best to be back, for you. But please.” Louis begs. And Harry doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even look at Louis. Harry just stares at the sink, bracketing the counter’s skirt with his palm.

So Louis guess it’s okay for him to continue.

“Ever since you left, my life is not mine anymore. It’s either you, or football. Soccer is my passion Harry, but you― I love you, I am in love with you. I always is, no matter who I ended up with, or who I am with, it just wouldn’t work out because I am in love with you. It sucks that it takes you leaving to make me realize all that, but I am here now, and I always be, I promise I won’t take you for granted anymore like I did to you when we’re in uni.”

It somehow works when Harry slowly sighs and sits on the high chair by the counter. “So, you’re going to apologize, and then leave for God knows how long? Like, how fucking easy it is, isn’t?” Harry snaps, looking at Louis, sharp.

“No.” Louis kneels in front of Harry that he doesn’t know he’s doing, his body is going against his will. Louis should touch Harry, Louis need to touch Harry. Because he wants to assure Harry, that Louis is never going to treat Harry like he used to. But he doesn’t want Harry to flinch away. So Louis grips his own thigh, digging his nails into the fabric of his jeans, gaining self control that he starts to lose. Louis just want to wrap Harry is his arm beneath warm blankets. “I promise I’ll be back, Harry. I swear. I’d been trying to find you in all these years, Zayn doesn’t want to help me, I went to your old house, I broke into the school office to dig your file, but it doesn’t help. I will work this out. I’ll win you over, I don’t know how, but I will. I just need you to trust me.”

“I―” Harry gapes. “I need some time, Louis. It’s not about my whole teenage crush anymore, I have a life, I have a boyfriend, Louis. You can’t just come back into my life and try to change everything.”

Louis knows it’s too much to Harry. He won’t ask anything from Harry other than his trust. It’s been five years, Louis doesn’t want to waste another seconds.

“Just, let me be your friend, Harry.”

Harry looks away, staring at the bundle of fake fruits on the counter.

“I got you a present.” Louis settles when the silence between them is too much to bear. Harry turns to Louis, surprise like he doesn’t expect that. “It’s um,” Louis digs his skinny pockets, and takes out a tiny wrapper. “It’s simple, but I think it’ll looks good on you.” Louis places the wrapper on Harry’s lap.

Harry hesitates, but he takes it anyway.

“Open it.” Louis suggests, and Harry did just that.

As soon as Harry unwraps the present, his breath shift, and his hand shakes. It’s a white gold necklace with a diamond sparrow. Harry wants to cry, because it is so beautiful, and it’s from Louis.

Louis Tomlinson that barely remembers his birthday 5 years ago, and now he have a present for Harry. Splendid.

“Do you, um, like it?” Louis awkwardly laughs. “When I first saw it, it immediately reminds me of you. Like, it’s a bird, and it flies, free, just like you. You’re being yourself despite of everything,” Louis doesn’t want to mention _despite how everyone treats you because of your difference, because you stands for what you love, that is me,_ no, Louis doesn’t want to mention it. Louis doesn’t want to remind Harry of his past. His past that Louis broke. “And that gypsy woman I bought it from said sparrow means joy, friendliness, and creative, it just reminds me of you.”

Harry wants to kiss Louis. He wants to tattoo his chest with sparrows, two sparrows, one for him and one for Louis. Louis actually fucking beams bright just by looking at Harry.

“And when I look at it, it reminds me how we always take the little Sparrow for granted― small though it may be, but it reminds us that we don’t have to be big to be important, and we do not have to have the loudest voice in order be heard, like you Harry, like what I did to you, I took you for granted and―”

“Do you want to put it on me?”

Louis jaw drops. “W― what?”

“Put it on me. Do you want to?”

Harry places the necklace on his palm, holding it out to Louis and of fucking course Louis wants to put in on Harry. He could be dying on his deathbed now but he will, without a doubt, rise from his deathbed to put the necklace on Harry. Louis slowly grips Harry’s hand. It’s so soft, Harry’s hand. It’s bigger than Louis but it’s definitely softer. Louis wants to kiss it, Louis wants to hold it forever, Louis wants to stay in this moment forever. At this point, a brief touch with Harry is making Louis thankful enough, and he wouldn’t ask for more.

Harry stands, and takes a step back from Louis. Louis            understands, it’s not like he’s hoping he’ll be an inch from Harry’s crotch or whatever.

When Louis’s standing with Harry’s turning his back on Louis, he takes a step closer to Harry. Smelling Harry’s hair, that probably from the strawberry shampoo he’s using. It smells so nice, everything about Harry is so nice, Louis wants to worship him and kiss every single curves and edges on Harry’s.

Louis refrains himself from placing a few light kisses on Harry’s nape of neck when Harry pulls his long hair to the side. Louis wants to savour Harry’s smell. It’s not even just strawberry, it’s a mixture of strawberry, honey, and Harry himself. Louis wants to bury his face there and breathe, just live in Harry’s smell. His hands feels Harry’s warm breath that Louis thinks he’d been holding when Louis place the necklace on Harry, and hold it longer, an excuse to have a slight contact with Harry’s skin.

“Are you done?” Harry asks, his voice is soft and Louis knows right then, this is his Harry, the Harry that loves him, the Harry that doesn’t care about anyone other than Louis, the Harry that’s willing to do anything for Louis, the Harry that holds Louis’s heart. His Harry.

Louis links the chain of the necklace. And when he’s done, he runs his fingertips on Harry’s broad shoulder. It’s light, because Louis doesn’t know if he’s allowed to touch, but he wants to, so it’s light and delicate and it’s all they ever need.

Harry turns around to Louis, smiling softly while looking down at the sparrow that he gently rubs with his thumb. “Thank you.”

Louis smiles, because Harry smiles. He doesn’t know what to say, he don’t have the words. Harry is just too beautiful to be true. Louis can never get enough of Harry Styles.

“You should go.” Harry gets back to his normal voice after a moment. And Louis has to shake his head, because he doesn’t want to leave Harry. It’s hard and impossible.

“You should, Louis,” Harry says again. “Nick’ll be back.”

Right. Nick. Louis forget that Nick is there somewhere between his undying love for Harry. Reality hurts.

“I―” Louis doesn’t have enough time for allegorical. So he just man up and straight forwarded. “Harry, please don’t run away from me again.” Louis asks. Louis could and would find Harry to the end of the earth if he wants to, but he can’t if Harry doesn’t want to be found. Five years past had proved that. “I’m begging you.” Louis holds both of Harry’s hand and brings them to his chest, so that Harry can feel his heart that beat only for Harry, “please don’t run away from me anymore.”

Harry looks away and immediately pulls his hand away. “Leave, Louis.”

Leaving hurts, especially after you just met with someone that you realize you can never live without, someone that you’re in love more and more each day, someone that actually gives you strength to live, someone that shines bright, someone that warm your cold heart with their kindness, someone like Harry. But Louis doesn’t want to bump into Nick, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to look Nick in the eyes again because Louis is going to steal his boyfriend and stab him in the back.

So Louis leaves with heavy steps, after wishing Harry goodnight sadder than he already is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? It'll gets better in the next chapthur x


	12. Chapter 12

Louis is everywhere. Louis is in random places Harry went; even in his dreams. Ever since Louis put the necklace on him, Harry can’t get Louis out of his mind. He thinks Louis puts some spells on it since Harry’s starts to drunk on Louis, Louis here, Louis there, Louis everywhere. So Harry tried removing the necklace from him that last only for less than a second, because it’s pretty and it’s shiny and Louis Tomlinson fucking give it to him. Harry can’t ever be apart from the necklace. Call him obsessed but hey, it’s from Louis Tomlinson, specially for Harry.

When everyone left on his birthday night, Harry was supposed to have some sexy or private moment with Nick, because what is birthday without birthday sex? But Harry can’t. He can’t when he’s wearing a necklace from Louis Tomlinson, and he’s going to have sex with Nick. It feels so wrong. He can’t because Louis feels so close to him, almost like Louis is living in him, and having sex with Nick is wrong again, if Louis is inhabiting his body.

So they settled for a quick blowjob that still blows Harry’s mind, but that’s it. He said he’s tired and when Nick asked where his necklace came from, he has to lie because it’s under an emergency circumstance, by saying it’s from his unexisted aunt that lives in Alaska that post the necklace to Harry.

Nick, being Nick, fucking believed it.

Anyway, back to Louis being everywhere.

Harry didn’t live in peace for two months after his birthday. Louis is literally everywhere; physically and mentally. Harry sees Louis every week, not every day, but in the 7 days span, there’s always at least one day that he will sees Louis Tomlinson. Sometimes he would show up at Harry’s favorite cafe, when Harry’s taking breakfast alone. Sometimes he would bump into Louis when he’s doing groceries shopping. But surprisingly enough, Louis never greets him, let alone talk to him, even a ‘hi’. Maybe Louis finally understands the meaning of ‘space’. So Harry ignores him. Besides, they agreed on Harry to stop running from Louis, not on Harry to stop ignoring Louis. If Harry doesn’t see Louis, means Louis is back at where he belong, Chicago, but still, Louis would call Zayn, only to ask how Harry’s doing, because Louis doesn’t have Harry’s number and will never have Harry’s number. Louis will send Harry presents or flowers when Louis wasn’t in New York.

Doesn’t Louis have balls to kick? (Oh, the irony, but Harry means football or soccer.) Doesn’t Louis have some soccer camps to hold? Doesn’t Louis have a girlfriend to pay attention to? Doesn’t Louis have his own life to ruin?

Although he ignores Louis every single time, but Harry notices Louis, of course he notices, Harry had been feeding on Louis face. He lives for it, he longs for it, but he ignores Louis completely. Because Harry is a rational adult that has his own life, a boyfriend, a job, that he needed to take care of. Harry knows, once he acknowledge Louis in his life, he’ll fucked up worse that he already is.

Once you’re attached to someone, you’re fucked.

For Louis, it’s exhausting. From the name of football, you’ll know it’s exhausting. It requires a lot of energy to run on a field and it requires a lot of stamina to stay active. But Louis is a naturally great in football; he was born to do this, so he’s great, Louis is doing great, except it’s exhausting.

It’s exhausting when you’re flying from New York to Chicago, because Louis plays for Chicago Fire, of fucking course he has to live in Chicago, and Harry’s in New York. He’s trying his best to pay attention to both, because he loves football and he loves Harry, besides, he’s still trying to win Harry.

If you asked Louis Tomlinson two months ago about New York, he doesn’t know shit about that place. The only thing he knew was Times Square, which Louis thinks the main attraction to the city. But that was two months ago. Now, the present Louis Tomlinson, had mastered the roads, the cafes, the places, it’s like he’d been living there forever. All thanks to Harry Styles that got Louis running around New York like a maniac.

But now, this moment―

Louis is not running now, he’s standing outside some yoga place, where Harry is doing his weekly yoga. It’s been two hours, and between standing and sitting, Louis actually gets tired. And keep dozing off. It’s not likely of Louis Tomlinson to fall asleep on random places, he got a reputation to care, but right now, the weather is chilly, it’s a sleeping weather, the bench looks so tempting. Louis had done this creepily stalking Harry outside his yoga building two times, three including this one, and Harry ignores him all the same.

Harry is going to ignore him again this time. It makes no difference if Louis sleeps, except maybe he doesn’t get to see Harry. But he can make it up tomorrow if Louis wakes up early and follow Harry for his morning jog. Yeah, he should do that. So Louis zips his sweater up to his neck, lays fetus-style on the bench, covers his head with the hoodie, hugs himself and closes his eyes.

Harry is the last one to leave the Yoga studio because it’s Saturday, means Nick is home most of times, and Harry needs to avoid meeting him. Harry can never look at Nick the same again. Because this guilt he had in his chest starts to feel heavier the more he looks at him.

To say that Louis Tomlinson did ruin his life is extreme. Louis did not ruined Harry’s life, his studio is still filled with satisfied customers of Harry’s photography skills, his students gets better in their studies and arts, and his routine doesn’t change a bit, even when Louis Tomlinson is somewhere watching him. Harry ignores him just fine, although sometimes he’s looking at Louis too from his peripheral vision under his black sunglasses, because oh Lord, he really did love that man. And maybe that’s why Louis Tomlinson is slowly ruining his relationship with Nick.

Harry can’t live under the same roof with Nick Grimshaw when he’s impatiently waiting for Zayn to arrive at his house so that they can talk about Louis when Louis’s not in New York. He can’t even make a friggin eye contact with Nick on days where he meets Louis, because it feels like he’s cheating on Nick. Let alone having sex with him, it’s impossible because Harry’s whole love to Louis Tomlinson gets stronger and gayer than ever.

Harry thinks, there’s never a moment when he didn’t love Louis Tomlinson.

Harry thanks his Yoga teacher on his way out, because Harry is polite, and whistles slowly while walking down the stairs from the third floor. Walking is healthy, and Harry is a slave for healthy things, so he guesses that’s why he parks his car a bit far from the building.

Until he sees Louis is sleeping on the bench. It’s a surprise, for himself even, that Harry knows the exact figure at that exact moment that there is Louis Tomlinson that’s sleeping on the bench. If Harry didn’t know the pair of Vans, skinny tight jeans, and Adidas hoodie better, he would assume that there’s some drunk teenager that’s sleeping on the bench.

Actually, Louis could’ve wear crocs and cowboy outfit, but Harry still will recognize him.

Harry should just leave Louis alone. He should. He definitely should when his stomach is begging to be filled, and Harry smells like a sweaty cow, and he _hates_ Louis Tomlinson― he should leave that man alone. Harry stares at Louis that looks so small for a moment, thinking of either leave him or wakes him. Maybe Harry should hug him instead. Maybe Harry should snuggle up to Louis on the small bench so that he closely pressed to Louis and smells him and―

Harry decides to walks away from Louis. Harry turns around, walks one, two, three, four, five steps away from Louis before he turns back and approaches Louis. Harry hesitates, slowly, because he is giving time to his right mind to decide if this is a good or bad thing to do at the moment, but it feels like it’s the best thing to do right now, so he pokes Louis’s calf with his index finger. Based on Harry’s perfect steps of delaying time, it’s past his dinner time now, the sun had set and it starts getting dark.

And Louis doesn’t move.

Harry pokes harder. Still, Louis is unbothered. So Harry grips Louis’s ankle, and shakes the man. Louis finally groans and rolls to his back, opens his eyes slowly with a curse, and the time pauses as soon as Louis looks at Harry.

Harry that in a messy bun, exhausted face, and in his leggings? Yes, leggings. It maybe dark, but Louis is not blind. That is Harry, in a tight legging that fits perfectly on his long legs, and he’s wearing a black baggy jacket. There’s a maroon burgundy scarf wrapping his neck.

How perfect is Harry going to be?

Louis sits up, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palm, looks up at Harry again to make sure he’s not dreaming. Yes, still Harry. So if Louis immediately stretches his hands up, high enough till it lifted up his sweater and exposes his six packs, because Louis didn’t wear any shirt underneath, it’s all because there is Harry Styles in front of him, staring at his middle.

When Harry jaw drops, Louis is smugly proud. Two month of being ignored finally worth it.

“Are you done?” Louis asks casually when he drops his hand.

Harry tries to hide his disappointment of not able to see stretchy Louis anymore. But his eyes doesn’t leave Louis middle, or crotch. “What are you doing here, Louis?”

“Waiting for you.”

Harry scoffs. “Whatever, just stop sleeping on the bench. You look like proper hobo, surprise anyone haven’t leave you any dollars yet, or gotten mugged.”

Louis stands, and getting Harry off guard when he takes a step closer. “I am a hobo. I have no transport or place to live here.”

“If you think I am going to give you a ride, you’re wrong.”

Louis wants to make a sexual pun of that. Like _‘ha, you should be riding me’_ but not now. The last thing Louis wants to be is creepier than he already is.

“―And the thing that you’re thinking now is never going to happen either.” Harry continues. How did he know that?

“―You’re too easy to read, Louis.”

Louis poorly covers his head with his hand. “Stop reading my mind.”

“Stop following me around.”

Harry turns to walk away from Louis. Louis can’t let that happened. He had enough of Harry walking away from him on those past months. He can’t have another one.

“Harry, I seriously have no ride to get back to the hotel, I don’t know that your yoga is going to be this long.” Louis says as his feet tries to catch Harry’s long one. Long legs, long steps. And a lie, of course Louis knows Harry’s yoga going to take this long. He’d been doing this three times, remember?

“I don’t care. Take the cab.” Harry doesn’t even stop his steps. It is faster, even. Louis keeps begging him until Harry reaches his car.

“Fine,” Louis claps his sides while Harry unlocks his car. “I am alone in this stranger city. What’s the worse could happen? Probably going to get lost, or getting murdered after being robbed.”

Harry rolls his eyes to Louis, opens the door, gets inside immediately, and closes the door. His windows are tinted enough for Louis to not see that Harry is staring at him. Louis that is pouting, and sighs when Harry starts the engine. Louis that looks cold because he only wears his sweater, (Seriously, what an idiot. Harry loves him so much)

It’s like Louis knows Harry is staring at him when he looks right into Harry’s eyes with a poor puppy look.

Harry lost the battle. He rolls down his window. “Fine, get in.”

Louis struts lofty to the other side of the car, hop in happily.

“Thank you Harry.” He chirps, and Harry wants to kiss him.

Louis slowly rubs his hand in front of the heater. If he’s asking for Harry’s attention, it is definitely working out perfectly. Harry reaches for his thick flannel shirt on the back seat and hands it to Louis.

Louis looks at the flannel shirt and frown.

“You’re freezing, Louis. Just wear it.” Harry is clearly annoyed, because Louis is dumb and Harry is in love with his dumb ass.

Louis shrugs and takes the flannel. He fucking wears it, coating his sweater, and it looks large yet perfect for him. Louis smells the flannel, and smiles wide when he smell Harry’s on it.

“Can you at least hide your smug face?” Harry drives off from the roadside, after turning his head to the back, making sure there’s no car on the road while they exits the parking spot.

Louis shrugs while hugging himself, more like hugging the shirt that feels like he’s hugging Harry. “I can’t. I am too in love with you.”

Harry chokes on air. His grips on the wheels tightens that his knuckles turned white. Louis can’t just say things like that. Harry will crash the car.

“You know Harry, you’re bad in hiding your feelings, and worse in acting all tough, but I’ll give you credit for trying. Even a blind can tell you’re still in love with me, and only me.” Louis says without looking at Harry, still smitten over the shirt.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” they stop at the traffic lights. Harry is losing his control. “Get out from the car.”

“See, this is why you are bad in hiding your feelings, Haz.” Louis says again, cool and calm.

Harry slams his face on the wheel, accidentally honking that he himself is shocked. Hearing Louis calling himself ‘Haz,’ is another whole level of Things Harry Never Expected. Louis is seriously driving him crazy.

“Come on, move, I’ll drive.” Louis pats Harry’s outer biceps that sent thousand electric bolts into Harry’s whole body. Harry’s sure he is paralyzed now.

“But we are―”

“Come on now, the lights gonna turn green.” Louis opens his door, in the middle of this heavy traffics, because people are rushing to go home for dinner, and Louis looks don’t fucking care with the eyes darting to them, windows rolls down to watch them, Louis just walks casually to Harry’s side, opens the door, and brushes Harry to move his ass to the passenger seat.

Harry is completely overwhelmed as soon as Louis enters the car, closing and locking the door, the lights turn green. Harry is completely overwhelmed when Louis drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other shifting the gear. He looks like a pro. If Harry is the one who drives now, he’ll be sweating and trembling nervously because he can’t handle Louis fucking Tomlinson.

Harry’s toughness and strength flew along with the wind.

His self control is crushing.

“Stop staring.” Louis laughs. “Wear your seatbelt please.”

Harry didn’t look away but did just that. He feels tiny compares to Louis, and somewhere inside him, this feels good. Harry wants Louis to take control. He wants Louis to have control.

“Where do you want to eat? I’m thinking pizza.”

Suddenly Harry’s alter ego rises, Louis can control anything, but not in food-related stuff. Harry crosses his arms and lean on the seat. “What makes you think I want to eat a pizza, with you, Louis?”

Louis turns to Harry, quirking an eyebrow. “Your stomach is blasting Black Sabbath, Harold.”

“I’ll eat at home.”

“Why? Can’t wait to see your sweetheart?”

Harry hates Louis Tomlinson sarcastic tone now. He can’t deal with whole Louis Tomlinson. He can’t deal with Nick Grimshaw either. “Louis.” Harry rubs his temple. “I smell, stink, and hungry. We can’t just barge in some restaurant wearing this,” Harry pinches the fabric of his leggings. “I―” Harry emphasis. “―can’t.”

Are they going to do a dinner together? Just both of them? Can this concluded as a date? Harry and Louis Tomlinson? That sounds like they’re fucking spouse. No, they are mortal enemy. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson? Together? If Harry is going for a dinner date with his crush but also his mortal enemy, Harry is not doing it with wearing his yoga outfit.

“Dead or alive, I am not going to eat anywhere other than home.” Harry continues.

“You can borrow my shirt and jeans? I’ll drive us back to my hotel, and you can shower and change. No peeking, I promise. And then we can get dinner, your choice.”

Harry squints his eyes at Louis. “You’re not giving up, aren’t you?”

“Nope.”

“Did you know this can be concluded as kidnapping?”

“It’s not a kidnapping if you want it, Haz.”

“It is, Louis.”

Louis rolls his eyes, “Fine. I’ll drive us to my hotel and then you can take the car. But I want to talk to you.”

Harry sighs. “Louis,” he rubs his temple. “I could never― we, could never― it won’t work out. I have Nick and―”

“You don’t love him, Harry.” The confidence in Louis voice is assuring. He knows what he’s talking about, he is confident in Harry more than Harry did to himself.

“Even if I don’t love him, I just can’t leave him, for you. Like Louis, you don’t even know me, how can you fall in love with me?”

“Then let me.” Louis turns to Harry that turns to look at him, surprise. Their eyes lock for a brief moment before Louis turns back to the road. “Let me know you, allow me to know you. I don’t ask you to marry me right away Harry,” Louis says, and Harry snorts, because it sounds impeccable when Louis mentions it, “I will, later, but now I just want to be your friend.”

Harry can do that. Harry can be friend with Louis Tomlinson. He is going straight into never ending cliff. But maybe it is what he wants. “Fine.”

Louis turns to him happily, and winks, why does he have to torture Harry like this? “We only have a week, Haz, and then I need to go back to Chicago because my contract had ended and I’m signing with a new team next week. But _I’ll be back_.” Louis says in Terminator voice.

Harry laughs. It’s a simple and stupid, it’s not even a joke, but Harry is laughing for his dear life.

“I’m thinking about signing with NY team, I want to live nearer to you,” Harry’s laugh die right away, and his face starts to change into some uncomforted expression, “No, I mean, it’s not just that. I want to live in a new place, new starts you know? Do over and second chances? Settle down?”

“Isn't NY team, like, just a small team?” Harry is a great subject changer.

“Big or small, footie is footie. As long as I can play, I don’t really care about how big or small a team is.”

Harry is staring, he knows he is. But his eyes won’t stop staring and his heart won’t stop pouring endless love to Louis. Louis looks and sounds honest, Louis that knows and sure of what he’s doing.

“So,” Louis turns to Harry, with a _knowing_ smile. Knowing that Harry loves him. Harry turns away from Louis as fast as he can without breaking his neck. “Can I come with you on your morning jog tomorrow? Can I come with you with anything you do?”

Harry draws a heart on the car window that starts fogging up due to a chill night air. “You’re trying to be my friend, Louis. Not my personal assistant or bodyguards.”

The car stops. But Harry is too busy drawing shapes on the window to notice it. “Why can’t I? Niall comes with you all the time.”

Harry shrugs, not moving from where he is. “He is my best friend, Louis. You are not. Niall doesn’t have a job. You do.”

Louis leans closer to Harry and draws L and H on both sides of the heart shape that Harry made. Harry immediately stiffens when he realize Louis is so close to him. “You know I am going to come with you whether it’s a yes or no, right?” Louis whispers. “A week Harry, just a week. And then I’m going back to Chicago, and you can consider things between us. Whether you want this, or not. Just let me be with you for a week.”

Harry’s getting an abnormal goosebumps just from that. It’s not that he’s afraid of Louis, it’s more like he’s afraid of his own self. What if he can’t control himself? What if Harry just turns and kisses Louis? What will happen next?

Luckily, Louis gets back to his seat. “So, I guess we’ll meet tomorrow?”

Harry doesn’t answer. He just stares at the window, or specifically, L ♥ H that’s written on the window, by Louis, and Harry.

Harry still stares at the window when Louis wish him goodnight and slip out from the car.

A week. He can do this for a week. Harry can bear Louis Tomlinson for 7 days.

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am really sorry for the very late update. There's a problem with my laptop but it all sorted now. Second, my tumblr is popicrisp.tumblr.com, so come say hi!
> 
> I feel like this chapter is in a rush buttttttt I have to do what I have to do, I guess.

When Harry thinks back, there’s a lot of way he can do to avoid Louis. He could’ve changed his jog track, he could’ve gone to different cafe for his coffee, and he could’ve sign off the yoga class. But he doesn’t. The solid reason of why he’s not doing all that, merely because he likes when Louis chasing him around, he feels special, he feels wanted. Being wanted by Louis Tomlinson is a new bliss that Harry enjoyed the most.

On top of all, he just loves Louis Tomlinson.

7 days. And then he can decided whether they can sort things out or not. (Which is, who’s Harry kidding? Of course they’ll work out just fine.)

 

Day 1  
It’s Sunday, while most people spent their morning sleeping in or dealing with heavy hangover, Harry takes a stroll of hiking, jogs a few miles until his body is tired. If Harry wasn’t a much morning person before, he is now. Age 25 sure does change something for him. He is determined in being healthy and Harry will lead a healthy lifestyle.

Harry came home last night late enough to find Nick is sleeping, had spend his times earlier at his studio apartment eating and taking a shower, alone in the apartment, because Niall wasn’t there on weekends. Niall slept at random places Harry swore, he could barge in into the long list of his model friends and sleep at theirs. It’s Niall, he is always welcomed.

Harry comes out from the house early today.

Harry decides to stroll up the small hill in his neighborhood, alone, at 5 in the AM, while Nick is still sleeping. Maybe he’s the one that’s going to get mugged and murdered, but maybe it’s the best for all.

If it’s mean to happen, it will happen.

When Harry reaches the top, he takes a breath of relief because he made it this far, in his leisure stroll, and life, and the view of his neighborhood is breathtaking. Harry wants to stay longer, he wants to watch the sunrise, he wants to inhale all the fresh morning air, and he wants to be closer to nature. Harry stretches his body and bows down to tighten his shoelace.

“Nice ass, nice little body.”

Harry straightened his body, and turn around.

Louis Tomlinson, but what’s new?

“Can you at least say hi, or work on some sort of greetings? Ugh.” Harry groans and sits on the bench, leaning his back and admiring the sun that starts to set.

Louis sits beside him, close enough, but they’re not touching. Louis places his hands on the back of the chair, so Harry is leaning his head on Louis’s forearm now and Harry is not surprise. He had enough of Louis sudden moves for him to be surprise to this.

Louis fingertips are itching to play with Harry’s hair.

“If you play with my hair, I will kick you down the hill, Louis.” Harry warns.

Louis draws his hand back. “Will you stop reading my mind?” Louis dismays.

“I don’t read your mind, Louis.” Harry closes his eyes, resting his head on the head of the bench, absorbing the sunlight. “You’re just too easy to read.”

Louis shrugs. “Fine.” He places his hand back on the back of the chair, closer to Harry that their knees are touching now.

They stay like that for the rest of sunset, at an ease silence as time passed by. Louis wants to spend the whole day on the bench, besides Harry, admiring how bright the sun is but it couldn’t be brighter than Harry. Louis wants to count every freckle on Harry’s face like he counts the stars on a beautiful night. Louis wants to stare at Harry’s eyes and see what color the sun had made when combined with Harry’s green one. Louis wants to hear Harry’s slow breath. Louis wants to feel the wind that slowly blows Harry’s hair.

Louis wants to breathe in Harry, and keep Harry forever in his heart. Wait, Harry already inside him.

 

Day 2  
Louis is eager to meet Harry today because after their sunrise non-workout session yesterday he didn’t meet Harry anymore for the rest of the day. Harry decides stays home, with _you-know-who_ , doing whatever he hopes Harry will be doing like watching TV, and eat a lot, and watch TV again.

Louis takes two different cabs to Harry’s apartment studio as Harry had stated that he’s starting his morning sessions early today. Louis thinks Harry is testing him to wake up early, but either way, it succeeds.

The cab stops across the street from Harry’s building. Because today Louis is extra happy, he might have give the driver extra large tips. First thing that hit Louis when he steps out of a car is a cold wind that blows his hair crazy.

“Shit,” Louis turns to the car window and fixes his hair, combing his fringe with his hand, fixing his blue aviators and―

Harry.

Harry is staring at him across the road.

His expression is solid, like he’s taken aback of the sight before him, that is Louis. So Louis does what he’s best at, acting cool. He looks extra cool when crossing the road, running to Harry and greets Harry with a wide, happy smile.

“Hi.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You’re late.”

“You’re waiting.” Louis tease. Harry grips his messenger bag’s strap that hangs on his shoulder. Louis takes a moment to adore Harry’s beauty this morning, like he always did. Harry is wearing black skinny jeans, his failsafe flannel and T-Shirt combo, suede Chelsea boots and a bandana to keep his gorgeous but wild hair away from his face. Someone give this boy a fashion week runaway already.

“I am not waiting, Louis.” Harry states, face unimpressed.

Louis shrugs. “Of course you aren’t.”

“I’m afraid you’ll get lost, is all.”

Louis takes out his phone. “You texted me your address, Harry. Don’t worry; your prince is here to save you.”

Oh, did Louis tell they’re texting now? They changed phone number when they parted ways yesterday, and Louis had spent his whole evening, every five minutes texting Harry. Of course Harry didn’t reply at all, until he had enough of Louis thousands of messages and sent him a ‘Stop it, Louis. You’re making my phone’s storage full.’ But Harry at least and finally replies Louis’s message and they started texting then. Harry mostly annoyed, or he tried to, but Louis doesn’t have to be with Harry to know Harry is fond over those text messages.

They take the stairs to the fifth floor, where Harry’s apartment, or studio, or whatever is, and every step Louis takes; he embroidered it with a heavy sigh and slow complains like, ‘don’t you have lift?’ and ‘my feet, I can’t feel it.’ that Harry have to drag him up.

Harry’s studio apartment for start; is large. It’s like a ballroom, with three rooms on his left side − that Louis assumes they’re bedrooms, and endless glass windows with a view of a flower garden below on his right side. There’s a large white banner on the end of the room, along with loads of photography things that Louis doesn’t understand their existence. The living area is on his right, where they are a lot of game console and golf equipment, large rectangle table behind the area, and the kitchen is on another side behind the end wall. It’s beautiful, really. A bit messy, but beautiful.

Harry closes the sliding entrance door. “Well, make yourself at home. Toilet is between the two room, kitchen is at the end, and sit where it fits, I guess.” Harry says while texting on his phone, placing his messenger bag on the large table and lean his side on the table.

Louis is curious. He walks to Harry.

“Who are you texting?” He asks, serious, poking his head to see that Harry is texting someone name Patricia regarding her triplet’s photoshoot.

So that how it goes- Louis spends the rest of his day spend with chasing cute 3 years old triplets, hearing a middle aged suburban mother rants, admiring Harry with those kids, treat all of them ice-cream (including Harry), watch Harry focused on his works, stares at Harry, adores Harry, and drown on his own smond (smug + fond) towards Harry.

It’s been two days, and Louis already into Harry this deep. As if before this it wasn’t deep enough.

 

Day 3

Zayn slams the door closes with his left hand, while his other right hand begin to infiltrate under Gigi skirts, she giggles, loud, hugging Zayn’s neck with her hand and his mouth knows his cue to cut her giggles with a kiss. The kiss that turns hotter the minutes Zayn grips her back thighs and lifts her against the door, a loud moans escapes from Gigi when she feels the oak door burning her back.

“Babe, stop that.” Gigi says when she hears a loud, funny moan.

“Hmm?” Zayn bites the soft skin just below her collarbones before sucking it.

“Babe.” Gigi stops abruptly whatever she’s doing, mostly closing her eyes and grabbing a handful of Zayn’s hair. “Zayn.” Gigi pats Zayn’s shoulder, asking him to put her down.

Zayn groans and do as he told.

There’s that noise again. Someone’s moaning. Zayn eyes bulge wide, looking at Gigi in a huge shock.

“Louis is home?” Gigi asks. They are supposed to be alone in the apartment. “You said he’s going on a date?”

On a date, because Gigi cannot know about Harry and Louis scandal. Some things are better as a secret. But still, Louis said earlier to Zayn, (he’d been living with Zayn now, since staying in hotel had cost Louis half of his money), that he is going to a dinner, or a date, with Harry. And now he’s somewhere in the apartment masturbating?

But― that is not a moan. It’s a gagging, burble, retching noise.

“Fuck,” Zayn goes, rushing to the noise once he realizes that someone is puking. Someone that is Louis. Zayn swings the unlocked door opens, finding Louis in his white shirt and trousers− the tux he’d wore to the date, knees on either side of the toilet, and throwing whatever his stomach hold into the porcelain toilet.

It’s not a hangover, normal throw up. Louis is legit just throw up his whole stomach.

Gigi quickly runs to Louis and pats his back softly, pulling Louis’s long fringe to the back. “Zayn,” Gigi calls. “Zayn!” She screams and Zayn deadpans. What the hell is happening here? “Zayn, go get some water!” Right, water, Zayn can do that. He runs to the kitchen, water, water, water, right, glass. He grabs the glass, fills the glass with clear water and runs back to Louis that is coughing and spluttering his dinner.

Louis chugs the whole glass in one go, wiping his mouth and letting the glass roll on the floor once he finished. Louis leans his whole weight on Gigi now, gasping heavy breath. Gigi literally is hugging Louis side, wiping Louis’s sweaty forehead with her bare hand.

Zayn sits down besides Louis. Louis leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder, while Gigi leans her head on Louis’s shoulder.

They all just sits there, dumbstruck, before Louis blurts out, “Harry, he makes me eat a plate full of vegetables.”

 

Day 4  
Harry didn’t hear anything from Louis ever since Louis sent him home last night. Louis maybe busy, he thinks, more likely an excuse he used to calm himself. When he woke up this morning to zero text from Louis, an anxious feels starts to creep in. Maybe Louis has given up. Maybe Louis has a problem? Maybe something is happening to Louis. By afternoon with no text from Louis, Harry is worried sick.

So he sent Louis a text. The first conversation with Louis Tomlinson that Harry’s the first one to start.

‘Hi.’ He types. And delete it. He sounds casual. He doesn’t want to be casual. He wants to be special. ‘Hi, Louis, what’s up?’ Delete it again. They’re not bro-ing. He’d been trying to get into Louis’s pants since day one. So he settles for a safe one, which is— ‘Hi, Louis.’

When Louis doesn’t reply him, even an hour after, that is it. Harry can’t deal with this anymore. It’s like he’s about to explode with dead worries and burst into a ball of anxiety. He reaches for whatever he can put on, grab his keys, and walk out from the house.

He knocks once, twice, and trice with a loud thud, literally banging on the door before the door swings open. “Can you even wait?” Gigi says in a clear annoyance, tying her hair into a ponytail. She looks like she’s in the middle of working out, with a black sports bra and black leggings.

“Um, hi?” Harry greets.

Gigi looks up at him, surprise, causing Harry to freeze right then. Then Gigi brings her face closer to Harry, staring at him with a judging eyes and Harry takes a step back.

“You’re not looking for Zayn.” She states, and Harry nods.

“So it is true then.” She concludes, and Harry frowns.

“Wha― what do you mean?” Harry tightens his grips on the tote paper bag.

Gigi plucks her finger and point her index finger right at Harry’s nose. “You know what I mean, Harry. You,” she pokes Harry’s nose tip, “are having an affair with Louis.”

Harry brushed off Gigi’s hand softly. “It’s not what you think of, Gigi.” He crosses his arms and covers his mouth with his right palm, looking up at the ceiling, thinking. “Louis and I are in a friendship phase.”

Gigi rolls her eyes. “You know I don’t buy it. Go sell your bullshit to someone else.”

“But—”

“But.” Gigi looks at Harry as if Harry is her last meal. Then she smiles. “Whatever Harold, as long as you’re happy. Louis’s in his room.”

Harry sighs, more likely sigh of relief. He plants a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you.”

Harry makes a beeline to Zayn’s guest room, that slowly turning into Louis’s room. He knocks once, soft and hears a slow ‘come in’ from the inside. Harry wipes his sweaty hand on his jeans, gripping the tote paper bag and opens the door slowly.

Louis is laying on the bed, pale and sick.

When he sees Harry, Louis immediately tries to sit up, but Harry quickly sits beside him, holding his shoulder and shakes his head.

“You’re sick.” Harry says ever so softly. The softest tone Louis ever heard.

Louis just looks at him.

“You’re sick, and you’re not telling me? What happened?” Harry looks angry, and dead worried. But his words are still soft.

Louis shrugs, but there’s a fond line of smile on his lips.

“Louis,” Harry emphasis. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Louis starts to smile wider.

“Answer me, please.”

“He has a stomach bug, Haz. That’s what happened when one that’s never eat a plate of vegs tried to eat them.” Gigi shouts, while walking past Louis’s room to Zayn’s room.

Harry looks at Louis, shocked, mouth forming an ‘O’. “You’re sick because of― the vegetables?” And he burst into laugh.

Louis groans and turns to the other side, buries his face on the pile of pillows next to him.

“Hey,” Harry touches his shoulder, “I am sorry, but,” he laughs again, “well, at least you tried. Thank you, and sorry.”

Louis rolls back facing Harry, pouting.

“Stop it, Lou. I bring food.” Harry lifts the paper bag. Louis’s face immediately change. He cannot deal with another vegetable. Harry laughs again. “Don’t worry, it’s all meat, and soup.”

Did Harry just confirmed that they’re bonded soulmates when he literally cooked sick people food for Louis when he doesn’t even know Louis is sick?

 

Day 5  
They redo the dinner date, at somewhere more acceptable for Louis’s stomach, which is a fancy Italian Restaurant by the beach. The restaurant itself located at a very private area, so they wouldn’t caught up with paparazzi taking photos of them without their consent.

They agreed to come with different cars, because Harry still refuse to take all these as a date, although even a blind could tell they’re doing dinner date. Zayn dropped Louis at the restaurant at 7 PM, which is a bit late, thanks to Zayn that refuse to leave the house until his majestic hair looks, majestic. But when Louis is there, Harry still haven’t arrived yet, so it’s fine then. He doesn’t want to make Harry wait, so he’s willing to do all the waiting.

Harry arrives somewhen later, when Louis is drumming his fingers nervously and biting his lips and looks around like he’s searching for the meaning of life and when he sees Harry—

Harry still catches his breath. And Louis is pretty sure he did the same to Harry.

They are doing this properly then. Changing questions about themselves. Louis wants to know Harry more, Louis wants to know what color that Harry likes, which are orange and blue. Louis repeat, blue. Louis is not trying to pop his own cherry, but it’s the color of Louis goddamn eyes.

When the waitress come to take their orders and Louis is doing all the talking and Harry keeps stealing deep looks at him, and when she asks what Harry would like to eat and recommended their tortellini, and Harry literally, really, replied her with —

“Yeah, the thing I love about tortellini is his eye lashes.”

— Louis knows their feelings, it’s mutual.

 

Day 6  
“Louis.” Harry rubs his temple. Maybe he’s going to start having migraine every now and then, because all Louis ever did is getting on his nerve. Every single one of it. “Can you not? Like, please, stop.”

Louis shakes his head as a clear ‘NO’. “C’mon Harold, it’s gonna be fine. No one else are here, just me, you, and the moon.” Louis widens his arms in the middle of the field, feeling the chill night air. While Harry, with heavy steps, slowly approaching him.

“Fuck you, and your wordings.” What Harry means is, ‘fuck me.’ And Harry’s already in too deep with his massive lovey dovey feelings with Louis Tomlinson. He is already fucked into seventh realm of fuck lands.

“That’s not very likely of you, Harold.” Louis crosses his arms, eyebrows knit into confusion, but more likely weird out, because it’s not very Harry to curse. His left feet is on the ball.

Harry rolls his eyes. He doesn’t mean the words to come out of his mouth, but there’s too many of accidents occurs in his life now, so if a ‘fuck’ slips from his mouth, who the hell cares? “Just pass me the ball.”

Louis smiles. Untangles his hands, he kicks the ball slowly to Harry, passing him the balls. “That’s my Harry.”

_My Harry._

Oh, that sounds super nice. Louis’s Harry. Harry wants to smirk. Harry wants to smile. Because it sounds good. Great. Splendid. But no, not that easy, Tomlinson. Harry can’t be won over by a simple, ‘my Harry,’ that comes out from Louis Tomlinson’s lips. Harry can’t be won over by dinner dates by the beach that’s so posh, far from what he ever imagine if he’s having a dinner date with Louis Tomlinson, they’re going to places like that. Harry decides he’s not giving in. No, even he’s losing the battle. After everything, no. Harry is not giving in. Not yet.

“Oi!” Louis kicks another ball to Harry.

That startles Harry, and Louis laughs at him.

“Fine.” Harry kicks the balls back at Louis, which rolls into another direction that’s not Louis. Fuck, why Harry is so bad at footballs. “Go play by yourself.”

Harry turns to walk, he doesn’t mean to be angry, but he is angry now. Maybe he’s just tired of being laughed at. Maybe he had enough of Louis laughing at him. The field is empty, because it’s midnight to start with, and Louis had bribed the guard to let them in, so except for them, they are no one else there, but Harry feels like the whole world is laughing at him.

Louis is calling for him, Harry knows. But he can’t stop walking.

“Harry, Harry.” Louis runs in front of him, which makes Harry suddenly stops.

Because Louis is holding his hand.

Harry always wanted to hold Louis’s hand.

“Harry, I’m sorry.”

It’s the second time Louis apologized, and it still breaks Harry’s heart like it did on the first time. Because it reminds Harry, that this, this Louis, that is doing all these things with him, is the same one that put Harry in a miserable place from the start.

And it still hurts.

Harry doesn’t want to do this, Harry doesn’t want many things, Harry doesn’t even know what he wants anymore. But for now, he’s tired. Louis laugh is so beautiful, Harry wants to hear it often, but it’s those beautiful things that kills him.

Harry smiles, assuring, that’s the best he can do. They lock eyes for a brief second, before Harry decided he can’t do this. He’s tired, he wants to go home.

So like he always do, he walks away.

 

Day 7  
Nothing. Just nothing. No phone calls, text messages, no Louis. Not even the slightest sight of him. Maybe that’s because Harry is back in avoiding Louis, which he’s already acing it by now. Shutting down his phone, and only use his work phone, which Louis has no idea it exist. Nick dropping him for work, and Harry plan to stay there until Nick finishes work and picks him up.

Easy peasy.

Harry is back at his lonely old self, except this time, lonelier.

Six days, just six days, and he already this fucked up.

Harry missed Louis Tomlinson a whole lot by lunch, which he skipped because he doesn’t feel like eating. He missed Louis’s laugh, Louis’s dumb attic, Louis Tomlinson himself. But he can’t. He can’t go back to his past self where he’s chasing for Louis around, he can’t have a second heart break.

And Harry realize he should stop cheating on Nick.

But either way,

Harry should’ve seen it coming. He’d thought of it, but he doesn’t pay attention to the thoughts. Everything with Louis is like a cliche cheesy romance movie, so, Harry should’ve seen it coming when Louis rings the bells to his studio past lunch.

Because Harry is an idiot in love, of course he has to open the door to Louis.

Louis is panting, heavy breaths and sweating, like he just ran miles away to Harry.

That sends some bubble sparks in his stomach. Harry is not saying Louis looks hot, and sounds hot, but he is.

“Harry.” Louis says between his breaths.

Harry couldn’t look at him.

“Harry, Hazza.” Louis gulps, steadies himself and straighten his body. “I’m going back to Chicago tonight.”

Harry still doesn’t look at him. Bracketing himself with his arms.

“I just— Harry, will you still going to be here when I come back?”

Harry turns to that. “I am here.” Harry is always here, there, everywhere for Louis. And then Harry looks at that pair of puppy eyes.

Harry was being an asshole yesterday, when he shouldn’t. It’s not Louis’s fault entirely that Harry’s being a butthurt about being bullied in his goddamn university life. Louis had apologized, sincerely. Harry had forgive him a long time ago, but the memories are still there.

“Can we do those things often?”

Harry wants that. But he doesn’t want to make this worse than it already is.

Harry doesn’t say anything. So Louis consider that as a yes although he is not sure he should. Harry doesn’t look like he’s going to invite Louis in either. It just too much at the moment, and Louis doesn’t want to add anything to it.

They agreed on seven days to know each other, not seven days knowing each other and then start dating right away.

“Okay.” Louis says.

Harry looks down, saying a slow, “okay.”

“I should be going now.”

Harry nods. “That’s the best.”

Louis opens his mouth, about to say something while takes a step back. But then he closes back, and raises his hand slowly, but clutching it back to his sides. “Right.” He nods. And a step away. Harry still isn’t looking. “I’ll see you soon.”

Harry nods slightly, but he never watch Louis left.

It’s when Louis turns around, slowly fading between the walls, Harry looks up to him.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
